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Every emotional stage of getting to final year and realising that you hate your degree

Where did it all go wrong?


It happens to the best of us. For me, it happened in a particularly heated seminar, where my classmates were quite vociferously debating something "important" (probably Brexit), and I was just sat there not giving a flying fuck. I had fully given up. I didn't care anymore.

The realisation that the degree that you chose oh-so-carefully isn’t actually the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory that you thought it would be hits you like a mountain of student debt. What to do next? Cry, mainly.

So, without further ado, here are all the emotional stages of realising you hate your degree, all too late.

Career? What career?

Your first thought, after the initial "oh shit" is to try and make the best out of your particular bad situation. So, to the careers team it is, to "constructively" weep over your situation and figure out some way out of your fresh hell that you’ve accidentally stumbled into.

There you will hear some magical phrases like "transferable skills", and the ‘broad range of careers open to you’, which makes you think that you can just about make it through the next nine months of lectures, seminars and library seshes. We also call this stage: denial.

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Me looking distressed in various library locations pt 2

Degree crisis? What degree crisis?

Another denial tactic, which you should definitely employ, is taking up a new, completely un-degree related extra-curricular activity. Whether you do it via a uni society, or on your own, you can try anything from trying to become the next Lin Manuel Miranda with Musical Theatre Society, to starting your illustrious Bake-Off inspired career by trying to perfect your own vegan sausage roll recipe. The weirder and more mid-life crisis-esque your new hobby, the better.

Plus, this allows you the opportunity to meet new people and pretend that you’re having a great time learning a new skill whilst your university life falls to pieces quietly in the background. Perfect!

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Oh shit think I dropped the love for my degree back in floor 1

'The Talk'

You’ve put it off for long enough at this point as it is. Time to unleash the beast on the 'rents, just so they know. Obviously, there are more profound and important talks that you can have with your family but this doesn’t diminish the fear you have of approaching this particular topic with them. "It's been three years, how are you only realising this now?", you imagine them saying. I ask myself that every day Dad!!!111!!!1

So naturally you try to avoid it or warm up to it by calling your grandparents first. This wins you the sympathy vote because you know that your grandparents will tell you what you want to hear, plus calling them means that you are more likely to stay in the Will.

Developing bizarre 'coping' mechanisms

According to recent research published by the University of What's The Point, realising that you have wasted at least two years of your life leads to an 80 per cent increase in day drinking at Spoons and a 40 per cent increase in your spending rate at Kasbah.

You also start to develop a keen interest in carving out your own distinct "look", as you try to reinvent yourself and distract yourself and others from the mess that is your degree. Maybe I'll start smoking. Or drinking loads of coffee. Or wear a hat. Or ride a scooter around. That seems logical. This is the new me, the me that doesn't care about my degree! This is definitely healthy!

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Why must the things I love leave me?

Back to the drawing board

The CV that you wrote when you were 16 and periodically updated as you blindly followed the logical career that your degree dictated now looks like some sort of sick joke.

The internship that you did at that job, which daddy managed to get for you, was meant to be a stepping stone to a glittering career in the bright lights, but is now just a joke and you are the butt of this joke. Time to re-do this CV, with the help of the careers team. I'm sure they're not sick of me yet… probably.

So, despite all the above making me seem like I’m up shits creek without a paddle – don’t worry, I have a plan. I just need to wait until the applications for Love Island 2020 are open. Wish me luck!