Snapchat, Kebab Rush and spilled drinks: How to spot a Cov Uni male fresher

Trust me, it’s easier than you’d think


We understand that it's exciting starting uni and being free from the constraints of your parents, but some of the Cov Uni boys seem to take it a bit too far.

Whether they're spotted stumbling down Cox Street on their way to Kasbah, or throwing up outside Empire on a Wednesday, you can bet that they have had a pretty wild night – and they will refuse to go home, even past the point of being able to stand.

Having witnessed many predictable things that first year boys do, we complied a list of them. This is your checklist to have on you for every night out, just to make sure you don't accidentally pull one.

They always get a club picture with the lads

No matter how drunk they are, they will always want a picture from the photographer. It will be on Instagram the next day with the caption: "Last night with the lads". One of them will have their eyes closed and there will be a lot of gang signs. Also they're all white.

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Just guys bein' dudes

Their dress code is black skinny jeans and Vans

They don't seem to wear anything else, honestly. However, black ripped skinny jeans are a big no. Occasionally they might switch it up with blue jeans, but that's only when they need to do their washing.

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They think they can take on the bouncers

When they get too drunk they are the first ones the bouncers have their eyes on. However, when they are approached by them, they decide that they can easily take them on.

Newsflash: You can't, you're a 5ft9 first year with some dutch courage and you will get thrown out. The bouncers are 6ft tall and very strong, please do yourself a favour and do as they say before you embarrass yourself.

They add everyone on Snapchat

Even if they talk to you for 0.5 seconds, you can bet that "what's your Snapchat?" will be the ending question. If you don't have the courage to turn them down then at least their Snapchat stories will provide welcome nostalgia and make you very glad that your messy nights out were left in first year.

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They will always go to their 9ams after a night out

They're freshers and we all know they haven't discovered that missing a 9am isn't the end of the world. No matter how shit they feel, they will attend their 9am wearing last nights jeans just to prove they can hack the sesh. And they will not let anyone in their lecture or seminar forget about it.

They love to mix their drinks

We all know that drinking Carling at pres and then moving onto vodka in the club is never a good idea, however they seem to make this mistake every time they go out. You can often find them being sick outside the club an hour after being kicked out. Why are they still here? We just don't know.

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They'll do everything they can to convince you that they've just turned 19

For girls, it's heartbreaking when you see a fitty and then you realise they're a fresher. It's even more heartbreaking when they promise that they're 19. Please just stop, I don't have time to babysit right now.

You'll always find them in Kebab Rush after a night out

Fresher boys will think that Kebab Rush is the best location for afters even though it's really not. That's what happens when you don't have a student house, I guess.

If you find yourself on Gosford Street after a night out, spot the residents of Gosford and Callice with their spicy chicken and chips shouting down K Rush before crawling to bed.

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Always find them in Gosford Sainsbury's buying their pre-drinks

I guess in first year it's just easier to walk across the road to Sainsbury's than find the bargain booze shop up the road, isn't it? With it being on the doorstep of Gosford Gate, Callice Court, and now Godiva Place, it may be way more expensive, but the convenience is a beauty. Plus, these boys are all about the easy option.

They can't handle rejection

They get so salty when you say no. "You're not that fit anyway," they'll say. Calm down honey, don't take it personally. You're at uni and you need to understand that in the real world not every girl finds you attractive. Especially when you've spilled your VK all down yourself, which a Cov Uni male fresher will undoubtedly have done on any given night.