Every reason why JJ’s is the club you love to hate and hate to love

There are a lot of dingy, grimy clubs across the country that you’d never admit to stepping foot inside. You’re too good for them and yet, somehow, you’ll still make it in, just past midnight and “all for the bants”.

Admittedly, JJ’s isn’t all that grimy or dingy, so why do we still classify it with the others? Because it’s a little bit shitty – but we love it regardless. Plus, the glory of going out on a Tuesday night (the only acceptable night to be in JJ’s) is that usually you’re free the next day.

The music is reminiscent of a year five school disco

Sorry – it’s just a bit shit. Imagine drinking a half-cut of Glen’s Vodka just to nod your head to the music your mother dropped you off at school to. Not really the epitome of a ‘banging’ night out with your uni mates is it? Sure, We’re All in This Together was a novelty four years ago, but it’s long since died out. Please help us.

You’ll hear Circle of Life at least five times (if you’re lucky, at least one of those is the trap remix). And yet, you’ll still go next week. Honestly it wouldn’t be surprising if they play the same Kidz Bop Spotify playlist every week.

Spon Gate is better for pres than your house or halls

No other Cov club (admittedly there’s only about three) is so perfectly situated amidst a variety of pubs. JJ’s is blessed with being located next to our second favourite Spoons. It’s the best pre drink location because you don’t have to walk cold, half pissed through Hillfields to get to the club. And, who doesn’t love to start the night out three pitchers deep.

The dance floor

Have you noticed how the dance floor is so much smaller than the bar area on the side? The Spon Gate dance floor and the JJ’s dance floor are basically the same, with all of a two metre difference. But the joys of a tiny dance floor is that you meet more people, so fair dos JJ’s.

Copious amounts of wood

Hey JJ’s! All that wood better be rainforest certified! Your Tuesday night out wouldn’t be complete without gloves because there’s wood, and lots of it. And years of experience will teach you those pesky splinters don’t come out so easily.

Creepy guys a-plenty

JJ’s is a creepy guy haven. With only one room, there’s nowhere to hide if you want to escape their prying hands. They’ll wait outside the toilets for you or make sad eye contact with you for the rest of the night after you pie them off.

They won’t be buying you drinks either so don’t expect at least a little satisfaction out of the ordeal. They’re all freshers who somehow get smashed on a tenner a night with no change to spare.

Faster drinks

Somehow the queue at its height on a Tuesday is still more orderly than Kasbah on a dead Monday. And the faster the bartenders are with your drinks, the quicker you can get pissed! Plus you can pay by card in JJ’s unlike any other club. Great for timeliness, bad for your bank account.

More casual than Kasbah

The duality of JJ’s casual vibe is both a breath of fresh air from the smart shirts and high heels of Kasbah and yet simultaneously a bit too basic for our taste. Shit shirts has found its home.

No Warwick students

Mostly undiscovered by Cov’s reigning snobbery at Warwick Uni, JJ’s is an all Cov Uni club. You know everyone, and you’re just as tragic as the lot of ’em.

So join us in sighing, throwing our hands up and saying “ok fine I’ll go out” every Tuesday. You know you love it really.