What it’s really like being a Northerner in the Midlands

Basically anywhere but the North sucks


It all started in Freshers when your halls housemates made you repeat the words bath, grass and dance over and over. "Barth" and "dahnce" they say, jeering at you, thinking they're the correct ones.

This is what happens when you leave the North. You're like a fish out of water except instead of water it's gravy and curry sauce and you need it to survive. Coventry just isn't the same. Here's all the reasons why being a Northerner in the Midlands will make you feel all sorts of strange.

Naming your evening meal

The paramount debate between the Southerner and a Northerner is what you call your evening meal. There is no budging for a Northerner, calling it "tea" is right and that will never change.

It's a never ending disagreement which will tear your friendship group apart. Southerners will never concede and Northerners are proud and stubborn by nature. In the end we know we are right and will continue to refuse any other word.

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Me and my TEA, get it right

People always take the piss out of your accent

Being from the north, it's inventible that someone at some point will make fun of your accent. This happens a lot when surrounded by a bunch of Southerners and Midlanders and the moment you say any word that emphasises your accent, that's it, they're off on one.

Also, everyone thinks you live in the shire because of how you speak, like they haven't set foot out of their precious Southern kingdom since birth. Sorry I missed my elocution lessons, I was busy having a life!

The worst part of all of this is that the Coventry accent is actually horrible. I mean, have you even heard it? Obviously, Niall Aslam is the only exception.

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There are NO good fish and chips in Coventry

Now let's talk about the fish and chips. Take a trip to the north and you'll find a chippy on every corner and each will leave you more satisfied than the last.

There are about three decent chippies in Coventry and even they aren't up to Northern standard. Sorry not sorry, imagine not getting curry or gravy on your chips. Midlanders are a breed we just can't understand.

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Cocktails are good but a banging chippy is better

Let's talk about the North and South divide

There is nothing that riles us up more than when a Southerner dares to tell us that the Midlands doesn't exist and that "everything above the Watford gap is the North". Don't you dare categorise the lovely and noble North with places like Wolverhampton and Rugby.

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Just me and some Southerners x

Shit nights out

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Nothing beats a night out in the North: Cheap alcohol, cheap club entry and and nobody has to leave early from being an absolute light weight. Northerners are raised with a baby bottle full of Strongbow and a thick skin. Cloakrooms are not an option for a Northerner.

Newcastle, the true capital of England, shows just how the North does it better than the South. Whereas in Coventry you have three below average clubs at above average prices. TigerTiger would never play us like this.

All in all, if you're a Northerner in Cov you will probably learn to tolerate it. Maybe you'll eventually love it. But you'll never forget your roots, and you will never refer to tea as dinner – so don't try and make me.