Cov students: Here’s how to get drunk as fuck when you’ve completely run out of money

Are you tired of getting yelled at by your mum for going so far into your overdraft that it makes the rabbit hole Alice tumbled down in look like a paddling pool? Do you regularly check your balance and calculate how many packet noodles you can buy instead of eating proper food, to make up for your alcoholic tendencies?

Do you ever wake up hung over and can’t seem to figure out where that £80 you withdrew went? Well, do not fret, your alcoholic fairy godmother is here to help you get the most with the least. Here are some tips, tricks and facts about how to get drunk on a budget in Coventry.

Knowing where to go

You’ve got to know your playing field in order to win the match. Every student’s ‘Holy Grail’ shop for alcohol varies based on where you live and what you’re looking for. Never forget, there might be somewhere cheaper, somewhere with more variety.

Instead of going to the obvious choice, aka very overpriced Gosford Sains, try checking those slightly dodgy but extremely convenient corner shops. Coventry corner shops tend to really surprise you.

Small supermarkets like Spar or Brambles are a great shout for finding some cheaper liquors. Additionally, even if the supermarket shares the same name, the contents might be different. If you're near Big Sains in town you'll have more choice and maybe even lower prices, so pop in.

Gross alcohol combos will save you money

Three words. Rum and Water. Wait, don’t throw your phone out the window just yet. Get some rum or vodka of your choice and mix it in with some nice ice water. It waters down the taste to a point where it doesn’t taste like absolute shite. Also, water is free and therefore cheap (you're welcome).

Another step from this is to actually mix your alcohol with carbonated water, which is also p cheap. It is a scientific fact that carbonated drinks will make you drunk faster. This is because carbonation increases pressure in the stomach, which helps to force alcohol into the bloodstream via the stomach lining. So next time try using sparkling water as your mixer and put the money saved towards your next JJ’s boom Tuesday entry fee. Remember: fizzier gets you fuzzier!

Sharing is caring

At least if you care about how much you’re spending. Instead of buying a small £9 bottle that you will inevitably finish at pres, consider sharing a larger bottle with a friend. You can spend £5-£6 on half a bottle of one of the bigger vodkas and trust me, unless you’re European, this should do you for the night. I would never go more than halvsies for an average spirit size unless you’re a real lightweight.

Quids Inn is your new best friend

If you’re ever running late and don’t really have time for pres, or you want to have pres somewhere other than your living room, Quids Inn is your best bet. Out of all the bars in Cov, Quids is by far the cheapest. £1 spirits? You could get a double vodka coke for £2.70! That’s less than the entry to Kasbah.

The atmosphere of Quids is also great and if you’re feeling spendy you can choose the next bop that they play in their surround sound system. Additionally, if Quids really isn’t your cup of tea, check to see if your bar of choice has loyalty cards and special student discounts. Some Cov pubs like The Castle Grounds have their own student cards. Every pound counts!

Fuck the system

A great little trick some of us developed was to get a regular sized water bottle or flask if you fancy, fill it with your strongest and best mixed drink and strategically place it in your clothes.

Then act naturally and watch the bouncers casually let you in to Kasbah, ignorant to that fact that you’ve smuggled in your own poison for the night. No money? No problem, your coat pocket’s got you covered.

Be smart about lining your stomach

K Rush might not be the best option babe

Only for a temporary time do you need to distance yourself from your true love of chips, burgers and pasta. For one thing you don’t want to be full of carbs before you drink as carbs tend to soak up your alcohol which means you’ll need more alcohol to get drunk. Not saying you can’t eat but have a think about what you eat up to 5 hours before you start drinking.

On a similar vein, what you eat can also bring a faster end to your night as you start puking out your dinner in the JJ’s toilets. Try not to eat fried food before drinking because it is a known fact that it makes the stomach more acidic therefore more prone to acidic reflux when inflamed with that vodka coke you just downed.

Journey juice

sneaky sneaky x

An essential part of any broke students budgeted night out. Make sure your pres liquor is always transportable so you can drink as you walk to your destination. Sobering up in the queue is not only shit but it is also a complete waste of money.

Drinking on the way and in the queue always keeps your intoxication levels in check, just remember to hide your journey juice once you get to the queue, in case any bouncers with beady eyes come looking.

Don’t make Absolut your absolute choice

One thing people waste so much money on is the brand of their drinks. Yeah, for some spirits certain brands do taste better, but everyone knows vodka tastes bad no matter what brand you buy.

Fun Fact: Asda and Smirnoff vodka are allegedly made in the same factory, yet we all know Smirnoff isn’t the cheapest drink on the shelf. Don’t worry about whether its Glenn's voddy or Absolut because either way, they’ll make you gag. So take my advice, just buy the cheapest one.