Breaking: Kasbah is banning Coventry students because Warwick students are ‘better behaved’

They said Warwick students are better looking too

Kasbah announced today that Coventry students are hereby banned from Kasbah due to "consistent poor conduct". The club is now officially open to Warwick students only.

The controversial press release made several claims about Coventry students, including the claim that "Coventry students have awful music taste. Enjoying Mr Brightside in 2018 is unacceptable conduct and for this reason they can no longer be allowed inside our institution."

Speaking exclusively to The Tab Coventry, Kasbah's owner Colli Mundi remarked: "Coventry isn't even a real uni. I mean come on, just look at the Ellen Terry. Warwick students bring in more money, they're more upmarket, better looking and better behaved."

Coventry University Student's Union are respecting the ban, in an official statement today they announced: "Coventry students need to do something other than get drunk on a Monday for once. Do some bloody coursework for a change."

Following the announcement Kasbah also announced its new Warwick exclusive events, including 'Fox Hunting Friday', 'Trust Fund Thursday' and 'Oxford Rejects Saturday'.

April fools, suckers.