If you sleep with a Warwick student you’re banished, sorry
When the city centre is completely surrounded by the ring road of death, Coventry students are forced to learn a few things – besides looking out for the double deckers about to crush them on Cox Street.
Even though Coventry itself isn't that hard to navigate, student life is. These are the unspoken rules of the Cov Uni students that are passed on from third year to fresher like a crappy family heirloom that no one really wants but keeps anyway.
So do your Cov family a favour and try and stick to them, yeah?
Don't walk around Hillfields alone at night
Don't talk to the locals
You will regret it. Mark our words.
Don't go for a walk in Swanswell Park
Unless you're walking to Creams. In broad daylight.
Don't go to the Starbucks in the city centre. There's a reason we have one in the Engineering building.
Thank god for that Starbucks. And that weird plane in the basement.
Don't forget to look when you're crossing at the top of Cox street or you will die
This crossing was invented so that pedestrians and drivers would work out who should have right of way amicably. It's safe to say that's not what happened.
Don't go to the Gosford Sains unless it's for doughnuts or emergency mixers at pres
Don't neglect the absolute essentials.
This includes the 79p chocolate twists, a bottle of water and some paracetamol for when your hangover is too strong and you need to make that 9am. That is money worth spending.
Don't try to cut costs at Costcutter
Starvation is better than that overpriced Chicken and Mayo.
Don't speak to the roadmen on push bikes outside Gosford Gate
Those '24 hour plumbing' business cards are for exactly what you think they are.
Don't attempt to fit more than 8 people in a kitchen at Singer Hall
Don't keep messaging the accommodation group chat about something obvious
Do you really want to be known as that one person who spams the chat with the stupid questions?
Yes my washing is still in the machine and will remain there until I've finished watching this episode of Friends. Also, I know the internet is down because I'm using my 4G to get rid of your notification.
Don't only hang out with your own flat
Flat pres where everyone's packed like the main floor of Kasbah are either the worst or the best. Knowing people from other flats will save you here, and make your night ten times better.
Plus the more people at your flat party the more half drunk alcohol that is left behind afterwards for you to steal. It's gross but it saves you money.
Don't have pres at Liberty unless you WANT to get kicked out by security at 11:30
Security are so keen on this curfew they'll be in the lift to your floor at 11.20pm, completely ready to huff and puff that door down.
Don't pull someone and try to bring them back to Liberty
As soon as they find out which halls you're in, they'll actually appreciate the strict and aggy security kicking them out. Imagine making the person you've pulled walk up to the eighth floor because the lift is broken. Again.
Don't keep signing into Callice when it's basically your second home
Don't expect to win an argument with the receptionist at Millennium
They're absolutely savage, it is well known.
Don't be shocked if you never see any staff at Gosford Gate, Callice Court or Raglan
They leave us alone, we leave them alone. It's a fair deal.
Don't go to Square one for pres
It's dead, everyone knows it. They try so hard to make it a lit student union but all we care about is The Spon Gate.
Don't get a taxi to JJs
Yes, it is really far, but unless Storm Emma makes another appearance, you can walk. Think about the shots you could've had with that 6.50 you just wasted on an uber.
Don't call Kasbah 'Colly'
The last thing you want is to be confused for a local.
Don't push people on the dance floor on a night out
The best FNKs are so packed it takes you a whole ten minutes to cross the dancefloor. You will get elbowed. Claiming self defence will get you no where; the bouncers will have more fun kicking you out than you've had all night.
Don't forget your student ID
Good luck getting in to JJs and Empire without it.
Don't let the woman in the Kasbah toilets stare you into buying a pack of £3 gum for your drunk friend
No human in the world is more judgemental than the Kasbah toilet attendants. That glare could shatter glass.
Don't expect to save your student loan
Just don't. It will all have been spent on meal deals and queue jump by the start of November.
Don't spend all your money on food – cook for yourself, don't get Kebab Rush
We hate to blaspheme, but there are more food options than K Rush. Plus learning to make even ONE meal by yourself gives you that Adult Life confidence boost that you really need.
Don't go to JJ's on any night but Tuesday
Why would you want to hang out with the guys who buy bottles of Ciroc at the bar? Actually… on second thoughts…
Don't go to IKEA as a 'flat day out'
Don't leave your stuff at a desk if you're going to be longer than 10 minutes
This is evil in its purest form. Why would you want to hurt another human like that?
Don't underdress for the library
The library is not your second home, please refrain from wandering around in just your socks.
Don't go to the library between noon and 4 pm during exam season
If you're lucky enough to find desk space you definitely won't find a chair to go with it.
Don't use the stairs in George Elliot or William Morris unless it's the first floor
You're paying 9 grand a year and you're not taking full advantage of the lifts? Mate, what are you even doing?
Don't get lost in the Charles Ward building
Once you find out that Charles Ward is connected to George Elliot it doesn't make it any easier to navigate. Also why does all of Charles Ward look like your GSCE science class?
Don't turn up 40 minutes late to a lecture. Please just stay at home
Whoever does this is more stupid than they are brave.
Don't be that one person that asks questions in a lecture and makes everyone stay behind
We don't care about the recommended reading I just came here to swipe my card for attendance, make two lines of notes, accidentally fall asleep and then leave. Let me live my best life please.
Don't cause unnecessary beef in your flat
You're only living with these guys for a year, the least you can do is either be civil or pretend you don't live there at all.
Be polite, be thoughtful and BE CLEAN for Gods sake. And whatever you do, DON'T sleep with a flatmate.