All the things you only know if you lived in Singer Hall

We, the residents of Singer Hall, have had our generosities tickled and decided to gift the peasants with the greatest depths of knowledge: the secrets of Singer Hall.

Here you will learn the deep, dark truth of the towering brick blocks that somehow resemble an old people's home. Yes, it's that mysterious halls of residence that the Millennium View lot and Callice Court buggers never seem to be able to locate.

We're basically Hogwarts, shrouded in mystery and located in not only an awkward place but a dodgy one too (shout out Hillfields, you scare me). Nobody comes to our ends, they haven't got the balls.

The fresher's week security 'talk'

We're partying hard and then they just have to make it awkward

You're having a good time with a bunch of people you don't really know yet, and then all of a sudden a large man in a neon jacket walks in and you think "come on dude we're 18 now, leave us be" but no.

He's not here to bust your party. He's the protection service, aka the group of Singer security men who are all 6ft tall and stacked, and he's here to give you 'The Talk'.

He warns you all that the area is known for drug dealers and prostitutes and that we should be careful. Um, yeah sure.

But trust me, within a month, you'll have been approached by at least three dealers asking you if you smoke and you'll have been down Hood Street when you're en route to Empire. You needed that talk way more than you thought.

The fire alarms are a cruel joke

She didn't skip her 9am just to be woken up at 9am god damn it

Who doesn't love a fire drills at 9am? All the residents crawling out in their dressing gowns, shivering and grumbling in the cold.

Residents of Singer Hall in January 2018 will remember the incident where fire alarms in several random blocks across Singer Hall went off at 4am in the morning.

It was ominous and weird. Especially when the ghost flatmate, who is always in but you never see, doesn't even turn up. Were they just prepared to die in the supposed fire? Guess so.

If you have a bike, keep it in your block

Well damn

Across Singer, there are rails for students to lock their bikes but every so often, they get raided. You'll often find empty bicycle frames with no wheels, or wheels attached the rails with no frames.

Pretty much anyone can walk through the blocks of Singer Hall, so shit like this is bound to happen.

Pres are all the same, no matter which block you're in

9pm party @ Block 41 Floor 1 apparently

This is how we do things in Singer Hall. Honestly though, how else did you think we communicate with people from other blocks? It's like we live in 42 different halls, or a mini "young people's" home.

You better believe every pres will follow the classic Singer template: a couple hundred rounds of Ring of Fire, while guzzling Strongbow Dark Fruits and Vodka, before everyone hits up Kasbah at 11pm.

Maybe they'll even have a little drunken run around the blocks for a while, singing stupid nonsense, picking fights, knocking on windows or pressing buzzers for other blocks. We've seen it all before.

Silverfish will ruin your life

Oh wow I wonder what all of these holes in my clothes are from

You could call them the mascot for Singer Halls if you want to sweeten it up. The resident pet. Every block has that girl who screams when they see them and that guy who seems to not give a damn when they're crawling all over their stuff.

Rumour has it that the little holes you find in your clothes are a result of the silverfish, some say they eat the starch in your clothes. Either way, they're gross and definitely a negative of living in Singer Halls. Also, DON'T forget to plug your sink when you leave. This is where they spawn from.

Our bathrooms have the sexiest lighting

You know someone's new to Singer Hall when they turn on the light next to our sinks or walk into the bathroom with the bathtub and you hear "OMG SELFIE!"

In that bathroom you'll never have the "my mirror says I'm hot but my camera says I'm not" issue. You could look like Pennywise from IT but you'd still get hella likes on the gram because you're radiant in this lighting.

The TRUE Singer Hall mascot

Go up to any Singer Hall resident and ask them about 'The Cat'. They'll respond "what the black and white one?" Yep. We all know her, and we love her unconditionally.

That being said – we don't want to slut shame, but this cat is the biggest hoe you'll ever meet. You think you're the only one she comes to see but oh no, she's munching on the nibbles from the guy in the block opposite you, and getting strokes from everyone in block 34 on the sly.

Unless you want to be her new side piece, DON'T feed the cat. She has enough sugar daddies feeding her everyday anyway.