‘Does anyone wanna get Deliveroo?’: the harsh reality of student kitchens

Shout out to the flat chef


Face it, if you thought that you'd actually use that student cookbook your aunt gave you, your expectations of yourself are already too high.

Students are often associated with being lazy and irresponsible when it comes to cooking for themselves. This is correct. Many of us can vouch for this and wave it (and a bag from Kebab Rush) with pride.

Here are all the realities of student kitchens, which you're probably reading because you're procrastinating and avoiding cleaning the kitchen.

Meal planning is a myth

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Lids found. Some of them.

Like Computer Science students pulling on a night out, successful meal planning is basically non-existent.

If you've found all the lids for your containers, you probably won't find enough cohesive ingredients to make something besides pasta for the whole week. And you got sick of pasta two months ago.

That being said, hoarding those Dominos pizzas from last week's night out still counts, right?

SPOONS SPOONS SPOONS

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Smiling because we've been here four times this week

Who needs meal planning when we have three, not one but THREE, Wetherspoons giving food and life to students and locals alike.

Spoons is the answer to literally everything whether it's a cheeky pitcher after pres or a boozy brunch the morning after. It's got food, drinks and more importantly… an app.

The app has been saving people from awkward eye contact and drunk guys galore not to mention why we use it in the first place – no need for actual human interaction! Because more talking means less drinking and we don't want that.

Catered vs Non Catered

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Deffo not catered

Everyone assumes those that are catered, are those that are comfortable. They are wrong.

From the bathroom sized 'kitchens' and the restricted eating times (no this is not another excuse for an Uber Eats) a hot meal at the end of the day should really be hot. And distinguishable.

We should really give a round of applause to the marketing team for catered halls, because obviously they're doing something right if students keep living there. Even though it's all lies.

Kitchen standards

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I'll do the washing later tonight, they say

Student accommodation cleaners are a godsend because when it comes to kitchen standards, students really don't have any. Too bad floor visibility only lasts a maximum of two days because it would be really great to see what you're stepping on.

Top tip: never go into the kitchen without something on your feet. There's probably more diseases on your kitchen floor than there is in all the kebab shops in Cov, and that's saying something.

Make sure to give the surfaces a wipe down before using them too, just in case your flatmate tried to recreate THAT scene from American Pie after a drunken night out.

Food shopping

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I GOT MY FROZEN BAGS OF NUGS

Don't get your groceries delivered, you will be judged. Iceland and Lidl are literally a 20 minute walk away, you have no excuse. Think of the gains! Who needs the gym when you've got a bag for life full of turkey dinosaurs to carry home? Actually, you might still need the gym after you eat all those turkey dinosaurs.

Plus, students must remember that Gosford Sainsbury's is not the only supermarket in Cov. Sainsbury's prices do not make for sustainable living. Don't even mention nectar cards, I'm not having it. Lidl is the way forward.

Food envy is real, and it is dangerous

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The recipe said fry half a clove of garlic. This is what they did.

You see a flatmate (probably doing a real degree like law or something) whipping up a 4 course meal and you're left with the Deliveroo app open and £20 deeper into your overdraft.

You may excuse your lack of motivation to go food shopping as being 'thrifty' but even nutella on toast gets boring when everyone around you is making food with actual substance like meat (sorry vegans).

Deliveroo aka your late night booty call

Even if you aren't hungry and more likely just bored, Deliveroo will always be there for a guilty swipe to the right as you pay for a cheeky late night Nando's.

Feeling peckish and lonely? Deliveroo is here for you, always. And yes you may feel guilty about being sly and swapping your main bae for some late night UberEats but a girl's gotta have options after 11pm – and Uber Eats includes the one and only Maccy D's.

Deliveroo will always have a place in our hearts though and you gotta love the men in uniform. After all, nothing's sexier than a man delivering food directly to your door.