Beer Pong is the only good skill I’ve learnt at uni
Better fluid mechanics than your engineering module
Up until about eight months ago, I was a beer pong novice. A couple of games at house parties that never really progressed properly and American High School movies were the only real brushes I’d ever had with the legendary drinking game.
If bold statements are your thing, then strap yourself in for a big old bold punch in the face. In the past three months alone, I have played approximately 200 games of beer pong.
If you break that down, that’s over two games a day. Break it down further to the on average four nights a week I go out, that’s four games a day. This doesn’t seem like a lot but if you consider that we use three cans each for every game, that’s 12 cans, at pre drinks, within an extremely short period of time.
Now, I’m not a good drinker. I can’t drink that much before blanking out, waking up with a spilt can of Fanta in my bed and thinking I’ve pissed myself. But, the competitive adrenaline I get from playing beer pong sobers you up just enough to feel fantastic as you’re going out. Just apologise to your gut the morning after.
But this isn’t about me, or my friends. Beer pong is an institutionalised part of our night out, and even nights in, and so it should be for you too. A chance to get one over on your mates.
Have they used your butter, stolen the last of the milk or taken ages to pay you back? Now you can get your grievances out in the open.
Me and the seven other friends that are involved in this extremely serious drinking escapade have even made our own rules.
Bounces are for novices. Too accurate. You snipe your shot or you don’t shoot at all.
The ball goes in, you get another a shot
Through this method, my friend managed to shoot a perfect 10 in a row game.
He made it to 17 in a row before the pong Gods stopped his rise for another day.
Hit the middle cup on your first shot, pull your trousers down
What an embarrassment you are, what an easy shot. Embarrass the game, embarrass yourself. Get them kegs round your ankles, pussy.
Your last cup is gone, you have one ball to take your opponent to sudden death
This is where shit gets real, separates the men from the boys and crowns true champions.
There’s more rules, most of them trivial personal jokes between the people I live with. But the game itself is what has bought us all together as closer friends. That’s not even an exaggeration, we take it that seriously. We talk daily about setting up official leagues and a society. Pipe dreams can come true, honestly.
Beer pong is the greatest drinking game in the world. Nothing else gets you more adequately prepares you for a night on the town. Ring of Fire and Would you Rather are things of the past.
Embrace your new pong overlords and join the revolution. Viva la Beer Pong.