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If you do these things then congratulations, you’re the house mum

Surely the positives will outweigh the negatives, when it comes to your ‘pride and joys’

So you've avoided child birth but have somehow been left with the duty as house mum at university. Trying to organise the house, controlling the rabble that are your 'kids', making sure no one does anything too stupid; it's all just a part of your daily routine, (grey hair here we come).

Unsure if you are the house mum, or in denial? If you do these things then you definitely are the responsible adult in the house:

Mature messages in the group chat about the state of the house

You know they're going to get ignored as the stream of memes continue. But, you still can't help pressing send on that carefully worded message.

"Guys, it's bin day tomorrow."

"Hi, guys sorry to be a pain, has someone put the bins out?"


Let's face it, you ended up doing it anyways. Worth the try though.

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Exhibit A

Cleaning up sick and other bodily fluids

Is it even a night out if you don't end it doing this?

I'd like to inform my future husband that I am completely prepared for whatever our kids throw at us. I would've seen worse anyways. I've even begun tucking up the 'kids' on the sofa when they can't make it up the stairs… sleep well my darlings.

Keeping the group together on nights out

Now this is a military operation. You have to round up everyone at the end of a night out and it is extremely stressful.

It goes a little something like this: you want to get to the club for 11? Right, I'll tell everyone we're leaving at half 10. Right, have we got everyone? Wait, where's Dave? He's changing his outfit right… DAVE WE WILL LEAVE WITHOUT YOU, HURRY UP.

For all the other house mums out there I have two words: Hi-vis Jackets. Never lose a child again on the SU floor, run up those stairs and spot them from a mile away.

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You've learnt life skills that could get you into any career

Doctor, cleaner, DIY goddess, agony aunt, we've done it all.

Anyone need anything from my medicine drawer? No? Oh, you need your lightbulb changing, I'll be right there.

We're always a shoulder to cry on as well. That idiot from the SU on Wednesday didn't text you back? Come here babe, you didn't need him anyway.

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Just a couple of the many jobs I have taken on


Constantly being asked if you're pre-menstrual or 'on' becomes an almost daily occurrence.

My passive aggressive sarcasm has nothing to do with my period, please please PLEASE, just remove that mouldy plate out of my sight, thank you very much.

Also, I AM NOT DULL, end of.

Mi handbag et su handbag

Oh, you forgot to bring a bag and you don't want to carry everything, that's fine. Pop it in here. Oh, you did as well? Anyone else want to put something in my handbag?

Oh, you don't know how you're going to get away with stealing those pint glasses from the Taf? Guess I've got some room in my handbag, if Harry takes his glasses back and Sarah has the umbrella that she brought (despite it being the middle of summer).

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The holy grail (the bag not the gold purse) x

So, what I suggest is a house mum coffee evening in the Taf, where we drink pints and moan about the kids, while they run riot in YOLO and we'll inevitably end up tucking them up in bed.

And for those of you who are reading this with someone in mind, next Mother's Day don't forget a box of chocolates or maybe even some flowers for us uni mums who save your dignity most SU nights.