Cardiff students told us their most tragic sex stories
And you thought yours were bad
We all have that awkward story about the time a Tinder meet up went wrong, or you farted at just the wrong moment. Whilst they're embarrassing at the time, we can all often look back on these moments and see the humour. They'll probably be brought up every time you play drinking games with your house as well.
So to spice up your Valentines Day, we put together some of Cardiff's most tragic sex stories, after some brave student souls came forward and admitted their most tragic sexploits.
'I ended up projectile vomiting all over his bathroom'
It was my first night in Cardiff, I went out and got with this guy who lived in my halls and we decided to leave early. Classic.
On the way back I walked into a signpost (I was very drunk) and didn’t think too much of it. We got up to his room and started messing around when I suddenly felt very sick. I ended up projectile vomiting all over his bathroom and he had to put me in my own bed to sleep it off.
I ended up avoiding that part of halls for the rest of the year.
– Isabelle, 19
'A friend of mine had to ask a girl to switch positions with him in the middle of sex because he said he hadn’t done cardio in ages'
– Katie, 18
'I shagged him in the Glam toilets and the next week he was introduced to me as my flatmates best friend'
I was in the queue for Glam and started chatting to this boy and his mate, then ended up getting with him to pass the time until we got in. We started dancing with each other and things began to escalate, before I knew it we were having sex in the toilets while my mate banged on the door trying to get us to hurry up.
Skip forward a couple of weeks and he’s introduced to me as one of my flatmate’s best friends. Tragic.
– Rebecca, 21
'Someone screamed 'OH YEAH ELLIE' during doggy…that is not my name'
It was awkward to say the least.
– Hannah, 19
'He excused himself to go to the bathroom because he had cum in his trousers'
I matched this guy on Tinder and we made out for ten minutes whilst I was still in my coat. All of a sudden, he stiffened up and excused himself to go to the bathroom. It turns out he'd cum in his trousers.
So he’d gone for about five minutes and then during this time I hear laughter from downstairs so I decide to bail. I had to sprint out of the house and un-match him immediately.
– Abi, 20
'A boy tried to finger me during Freshers' Week on the Pryzm dance floor'
– Ella, 19
'I think a bit of your scab just fell off'
I was dating this guy off Tinder and we'd slept together a few times. But I didn't see him for the first part of Feb because a spot on my upper lip had grown into this huge infected scab.
Somehow he ended up leaving work to come over to mine because I had a free house (he had been pre-warned about the scab and btw it was Valentine's Day). He couldn't stop staring at it, and SOMEHOW – just SOMEHOW – we managed to have sex without kissing as he was so scared of touching the scab.
It was so tragic, bad sex, and at one point he even said "I think a bit of your scab just fell off." It'll go down as the worst Valentine's Day shag ever.
– Aimee, 21
I threw up in a Met boy's bed and he threw my clothes into the corridor…I had to follow'
– Naomi, 20
'I learned that day that I am in fact a freak'
I was at a party where it basically ended in everyone coupled up and I found myself on a sofa bed with this guy and I vaguely remember hooking up with him.
Fast forward to the next morning, everyone’s in the living room and my guy is topless. He gets up to go to the loo and EVERYONE sees that his back is covered in scratches… I learned that day that I am in fact a freak.
– Rachel, 22
'I once got with a guy that asked me to put my toes up his arse'
Did I do it though?
– Meghan, 21
'He was shit and instead I requested to put Friday Night Dinner on'
I broke up with my boyfriend and I was excited when I pulled the first boy after I became single again. I was excited until the sex was shit and instead I requested to put Friday Night Dinner on. Surprisingly he agreed and I had a better night laughing along to that than actually sleeping with him.
– Emily, 20
'He was a giver and so am I, and so we had an argument'
I (a gay male) went home with someone…he was a giver and so am I. Long story short, we had a huge argument and he stormed out. The sex unfortunately didn't happen.
– Joe, 22
Suddenly it doesn't seem so bad that the closest you will get to a Valentine is the bottle of Chardonnay chilling in the fridge and the comforting thought of all the chocolate being reduced tomorrow.
At least that will never disappoint you.