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Eight guaranteed things you’ll find out after experiencing life in first year

You’re a lot less productive than you thought…

Ah, that fresh feeling of starting a new at university, no matter how well travelled you are, or how experienced you feel, there will be some things you discover when you actually get to uni that will truly enlighten you.

These things, ladies and gents, are the simple experiences of first year. Oh the days when forty percent was enough…

After surviving Freshers' Week, you'll literally think that you are a sesh king who can conquer anything

You got Freshers' flu, projectile vomitted after being wine drunk and still managed to get into the SU. Most importantly, you got home alive at 4am. You are invicible- or so you think.

You will learn to hack hangovers and begin to feel vaguely productive when you're hungover. In reality, you're still drunk and delusional when you rock up to those 9am lectures.

You will find your favourite pre-drink of choice, which you will cherish through first year until you realise that you only drink it because it's cheap and you can get tipsy quickly. Squashka really isn't that nice btw.

You'll think you're Gordon Ramsay when you've successfully created your first culinary masterpiece

This so called masterpiece is actually just your Mum's classic pasta bake recipe. But anything you successfully put together during first year is worthy of a Michelin Star when your other flatmates are living off pot noodles.

And being a true chef, you will find yourself frustrated at the huge washing piles left by your flatmates who obviously are not finding themselves.

RIP to all the cutlery and plates that will sit in the pile for three months. These piles will be thrown away in pure anger when you deep clean the kitchen in May to avoid all the fines heading swiftly in your direction.

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You'll realise how bitchy secondary school was

If you want to make friends at uni you will. There are so many people from all sorts of backgrounds with all sorts of interests, you will find your group. Join socieities, chat in seminars, you will make friends fear not.

Rest assured though, if you don't want to socialise with that guy Kyle from the laundry room then you won't have to, ever again.

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Your group will deffo have that one song that gets you all hyped

Every group has a song. A song that brings you all together, no matter where you are. Whether it's 'Mr Brightside' or 'Shout Out to My Ex', your friends will come running.

Apologies to the guy that was necking on with your mate when 'Nice for What' comes on.

No one really cares what goes on in your sex life

Don't get me wrong, it is gossip when you find out who has got with who. Everyone will want to know who the mysterious rugby player was that left your mates flat at 5 o'clock this morning. However, the pulling chart in your first year kitchen will become an age old tradition and a fundamental part of your identity.

It's all good finding yourself and discovering your taste until you find out that uni is an STI's wet dream and suddenly you're questioning every encounter you've ever had.

The pulling chart probably won't exist when you get to second year, because no one cares anymore.

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You will learn how to actually clean your flat.

Who knew that people actually used a toilet brush and it wasn't just decorative? You actually have to clean rooms and toilets without your mum asking you to.

Those with long hair will also discover how to clean their shower drain when it starts flooding. Heads up, a fork is the best way to sort that out.

Even the messiest person in the world will end up hating the state of your halls kitchen.

You'll have a handful of random mates from your actual course

The awkward first meetings and student mentor groups will be too harrowing and you'll never truly connect with your coursemates, even after that awkward social.

You'll spend the rest of your degree adding everyone on Facebook and knowing oddly when they've moved house or gotten a new dog, but the only human interaction you'll be able to have are the simple conversation topics created to fill the awkward silences of seminar groups.

You'll find out if you really do love your subject

First year will definitely help you work out whether you love your course or loathe it. Will your uni days be spent being passionate about what you're learning or are you spending £9,000 a year to sesh and get a 2:2.

But hey, at least you'll be able to feel vaguely intelligent when someone randomly brings up something academic that you studied for two minutes in one of your lectures.

Lectures in bed are the best kind of lectures

What you will learn though is that uni is three of the most memorable years of your life.