Which classic vine is your Cardiff Uni halls?
Who needs to study for exams anyway?
It might seem odd, but in some weird sense Vine is a lot like the friendships you made in halls – basically over, officially dead, just barely kept in a state of zombie-like reanimation by people endlessly repeating the same three jokes at each other until they get bored and decide to move on.
And that, you will be delighted to know, is how we're justifying doing this.
Talybont Gate – White boy dance
When they heard their parents were going to pay extra for their halls – with their double beds, cars, and televisions – every prospective Taly Gate resident did this little posh celebration jig.
You probably came from a single-sex prestigious college and don't know what an iron is, but you like to pretend to be streetwise, even though those Ralph Lauren polos always give you away. This is why you're the white boy dance vine.
Talybont South – Owl
In Taly South, there are essentially two kinds of people, conveniently summarised by the Owl Vine.
One is the quite nice, Home Counties kinda person, whose parents drop them off in a Land Rover, and who manages to stay admirably on the straight and narrow.
The other is the owl, able to talk about one thing and one thing only.
Talybont North – I just realised I'm broke
After being shown round North on open day and enduring the awkward silence when the student tour guide asked who'd love to live there, you'd resolved to apply to South, or Gate, or Court.
Then you realised you're broke.
If you're in North, you're truly the brokest of the broke. You tend to spend your loan on weed, Maccies near big Tesco, and have literally gone to every single Quids In.
Talybont Court – I could've dropped my croissant
As the rest of Taly march down to the Lash, Court residents can be seen in their bedrooms, comfortable, and about as instinctively resistant to fun as the victim of this prank. They're literally the type of students that eat freshly baked Parisian croissants for breakfast, after they step out of their posh cubicle showers.
Senghennydd Court/Hall – Fake rat prank at Walmart
Oh, the Ghetto. There's no other vine that describes these halls than the Walmart Rat.
Look, we're not saying your Senghennydd flat definitely has rats, but this is definitely how any visitor reacts to the general state of the place.
Colum Hall – I didn't get no sleep cause of yall
If you live in Colum, you are an unlucky soul. It doesn't matter that you live with little over a hundred people, you're living on Colum Road. With a stream of shouty, drunk freshers heading back to Taly all night, every night, it really is the loudest fucking road in Cathays.
Amid this frustration, there can't be a single Colum Hall resident who hasn't considered storming up to Taly to exact a bit of shouty revenge.
Aberconway Hall – Girls always use the bathroom together
Aberconway is most famous for its communal bathroom. Every year, you'll hear a new story about the mysterious shitter who never flushes. But hey, we're all in this small halls together.
Aberdare Hall – Flamingo squad
Being the only female residence, Abedare is the place for sheltered kids and sorority clichés. Not one for the lash or anything fun in general? Don't fear, you can enjoy a game of pictionary whilst the staff serve dinner at 5:45pm.
Liberty – What up, I'm Jared
Liberty halls are home to Cardiff Uni, Met and USW clearance undergrads. Rumour has it there are people who had Liberty as their first option, but for the rest, when they came out with triple Es and found themselves in a Welsh uni after two hours of bargaining with UCAS, there was little other choice.
So on the awkward first day, when everyone else in your flat got in through clearing too, this is how you introduce yourself.
University Hall – When the person you are with parks so far away
Although the poor souls stuck on that hill are rumoured to be the hosts of some of the most lit pres, will they ever actually make it to the club?
Probably not. Which is sad, because friends and course mates will never bother coming to pres, despite the insistence that "it's not even that far."
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