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We know exactly what type of person you are based on where you sit in the ASSL

Fuck off, freshers


Exam season is upon us which means the ASSL is full of the prepared and the panicked. When this beautiful time of year arrives, so do the worst people you could possibly share a floor with.

Whether it's loud coughing, smelly feet or people sniggering, here is a list of every annoying dickhead you'll encounter in the ASSL during exam season- and I can guarantee you're one of them.

Lower ground floor, everywhere

Who? The Space Hogger

The space hoggers are those annoying people that get first dibs at a free table or computer. They'll pretend they're working hard by leaving open books, notepads, pencils and pens across the desk; despite them wandering off for half the day- probably to Lidl.

You've probably never encountered the space hogger face to face, but you've definately encountered their colourful stationary spread all across the desk you actually needed. They're probably the types of people who put their bags on the seat next to them on the bus.

#CardiffConfession1049After arriving at the library at 8am this morning and noticing a table had been reserved by…

Posted by Cardiff Confessions on Sunday, May 20, 2018

Lower ground floor computers

Who? The one that does an all nighter

They are deffo there for the long-haul. They've got a 3,000 word essay due for 12pm the next day and have yet to choose a question. You'll see them on the reg, usually because they chose the Lash over essays a few too many times.

You can identify them easily in the library as they'll be sat with five cans of Redbull and three empty packets of crisps. The most annoying thing is, they'll probably end up with a 2:1 after their 12 hour library sesh.

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Lower ground sofas

Who? The one who gets too comfy

Being in the library really makes you feel like you've got your shit together, you bring your blanket with you, take off your shoes and get set for a productive day of revision. The one who gets comfy, feels at home in the library and is definately prepared for their three exams in a fortnight.

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On the other hand the one that gets too comfy can sometimes fall asleep and end up procrastinating more than they would at home…

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Ground floor coffee tables

Who? The fresher

You'll see the freshers coming from a mile off. They usually migrate in packs from Taly South. You'll look up from your desk to witness a sea of marble MacBooks and gym bottles coming your way.

You know who the freshers are because there's a ninety per cent chance you'll hear them gossiping about their flatmates by the small coffee tables near the entrance. They take advantage of the fact they only need 40 per cent to pass the year that doesn't count. The ASSL is just another catch up zone to them.

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Ground floor, near a socket

Who? The one who hates freshers

They're usually a second year, trying to play the age-old game of 'do I want a power socket or working eduroam?' and resenting the freshers for finding those elusive spots where they get both. If you hear a tut every few minutes, you've got a fresher hater nearby.

Ground floor desks

Who? The procrastinator

The procrastinator is an organised mess of a human being. They'll be sat at a computer with their work perfectly aligned, ready for hours of staring at the screen and contemplating if they actually need a degree. Either that, or they're probably asleep in the library collection area. No doubt about it, they'll have a Facebook, Twitter and Youtube tab up on their laptop whilst they kid themselves that they're going to type at least half of their essay.

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First floor cubby holes

Who? The early riser

The early riser is the most typical of the ASSL attendees. They'll arrive at the library at 8am sharp, with the idea that they'll get a premium seat on the ground floor, not realising that everyone else had the exact same idea. You'll hear them tell every person within hearing that they've been there since 8am and they'll probably have put it on their Snapchat AND Instagram stories.

Nobody cares.

First floor tables

Who? The one looking for library loving

If there's one thing about the ASSL, it's that everyone loves to shag in the loos. If you're sat at a table, don't be surprised if you're being mentally undressed by the person staring adoringly across from you. They're tired, stressed and horny and assume every person that looks at them wants to bone, so don't make eye contact.

#CardiffConfession1089The thirst in ASSL is unreal. Is the exam stress making you feel THAT sexually frustrated?

Posted by Cardiff Confessions on Sunday, May 20, 2018

Every floor

Where? The bare foot stinker

On the hottest of days, the people who've been treking around all day in Converse or the standard Primark pumps without socks, just love to flip them off as soon as they sit down in the ASSL. They'll probably walk around bare foot too, the foot stench weaving in and out of the aisles.

Don't worry if you have a foot phobia, you'll probably never see them. You'll smell them.

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Second floor by the window

Who? The Instagrammer

Last, but not least, you have the Instagrammer. They take more pictures of the view than they do notes. They bagged a seat next to the window to get that Cathays aesthetic in the backdrop of their story.

Chances are, they'll spend so much time editing their photos that they're too tired to work and will just leave; despite convincing their followers they've been putting in the hard work all day.

? #librarylife #studyinghard

A post shared by Tammy-Louise Wilkins (@_tammylouisewilkins) on May 17, 2018 at 8:58am PDT

So, have you encountered one of these devils of exam season? Or did we just make you realise which one you are?