Every girl you’ll meet in the toilets at the Lash
The good, the bad, and the terrifying
Everyone knows the Lash is a minefield. You spend your night dodging the empty VK bottles on the floor and weaving your way through the territorial sports teams guarding their 'corner'.
And unfortunately for us girls, when that seventh VK hits we begrudgingly have to make our way to the back of the toilet queue thats longer than the River Nile.
From the VK girl to the cryer, they're all in that queue.
The girl with too many VKs
Undoubtedly we all love a VK or two, (or twelve) but these are the girls that enter the queue with four or more attached to their hands.
They also don't like sharing so don't even think of asking for a sip of that 4th VK. Get your own!
These girls are Satan in disguise. They place their hands over their mouths and aggressively force their way to the front of the queue. It's not cool.
Everyone needs to pee and everyone could potentially have a cheeky chunder once in the bathroom…but no need to push in front like you're the Queen.
The only plus side is that these girls will usually be met by a mutiny and uproar of angry drunk girls. It seems that the British stereotype stands. We love to queue and we love to be polite whilst we're doing it.
So back of the line for you. Bye.
The girls that turn into bodyguards after one sambuca shot
These girls usually consist of 70 per cent aggression and 30 per cent true love for their friends. They create a human forcefield whereby if you so much as look at their drunken mess of a friend you fear you'll get bottled.
Protective of psychopathic? It's scary but we all know we have a friend like this who we love endlessly, even if the other girls in the lash toilets don't.
Hannah, 2nd Year psychology e.g. your new best friend
Oh the magic of the lash toilets. You go in needing a wee and leave with a new best friend, an extra like on your profile pic, and advice about that boy Mike who keeps getting with Chloe from bio.
She'll compliment your clothes, make you feel like a princess and tell you you're a 10/10, even if you only feel like a four on the night.
Who needs a boyfriend when you have Hannah from psychology.
The girl that makes you down your drink
These girls will usually find you in the queue for the toilet. They notice you're double parked and the only logically thing to do is to begin to sing…
'We like to drink with…sorry what's your name?'
It's the beginning of another beautiful friendship that is guaranteed to get you smashed.
Embrace these girls, they're rare.
The personal space invaders
Chill out please.
Undeniably you could be bursting for the toilet but that doesn't give you permission to enter the toilet cubicle before the people in it have exited.
You'll be fighting your way out of the cubicle, whilst said girl has already pulled her trousers down and is now relieving herself in front of you.
It's not polite and it definitely is not what anyone needs on a Wednesday night, so please, lets all be nice and calm.
The door bashers
You will more likely than not be enjoying a lovely dmc with your bestie in the confinements of the toilet; however, this will 99 per cent of the time be interrupted rudely by the bashing down of your door.
Girls patience is key and you 'door bashers' definitely don't have any.
The relationship guru
If you ever find yourself with some relationship related drama then guaranteed a girl in the lash toilets will be able to give you top quality advice.
From the guy thats ghosting you to the one that doesn't love you she'll have a solution. Bottom line, you're better than that so sack him off.
Listen to these girls, tequila gives you the power of knowledge.
We've all at some stage been this girl. Whether its crying over 'Mr Brightside' or impending deadlines its alright to have a cry.
Just remember the mirrors wont be kind to you, or you red eyes. Also, the toilet paper in the Lash isn't exactly triple velvet 'soft, soft, soft' so definitely don't expect it to be soothing to your eyes or nose.
But, on the bright side, there will be a girl, or five, in the Lash toilets willing to offer you a comforting hug, sip of their drink, or dab of powder.
So there you go, all the girls you are likely to meet on a trip to the Lash toilets.
We may have a love, hate relationship with one another, but guaranteed you can always find a girl in the lash toilets to be your new bff, even if it is only for the night.