I’ve been an adult for four years now and still can’t cook

My housemates may judge me for never cooking but really, it’s for their own safety.

Alright, I will admit I’m in fourth year and the closest thing to cooking I can do is toast, and even that is a struggle. Back when I still lived with my parents, I actually showed some interest in cooking, but it quickly turned into a nightmare. When I was 18, my friend and I decided to make pasta. Next thing we know, the kitchen was being swallowed up in flames and a brigade vehicle with four firefighters was in my house.

Cooking just isn’t my thing, clearly.

Luckily, during my first year I was placed in catered halls so I didn’t have to worry about anything. Then, sadly first year came to an end. But, one silver lining was that I finally learned how to make pasta using ready ingredients to help me get by. When second year came around, I lucked out again as I was paired with a mature student in a flat who pretty much adopted me as her child and cooked for me when I was in need.

Then, in third year was the year that “Just Eat” and “Deliveroo” put golden placards with my name and photo in their headquarters. Expensive, yes but there are ways around it if you’re clever.

So, having lived off the labours of generous housemates for the past three years I don’t know how to cook and it’s honestly a tragedy.

And for y’all clever criticisers that are you gonna say “but it’s easy”, “you save money”, “it’s nice to eat your own food”, “you can cook anything you want”, “it is healthy” etc. sorry if I make you frustrated but it is not exactly how you think it is.

“But it’s easy” 

Yes, it might be. But I don’t have time for it nor can I be bothered. I have to read 40 pages for each seminar, meet up with classmates to prepare for three group projects and essays. I cannot be bothered.

“You save money” 

This might be true. Only if you live in a house share with friends and you share the ingredient costs and the food itself. But when you live in halls, it’s not feasible. Plus, I don’t know about everyone else, but eating spag bol for five days in a row sounds very dull to me.

“It’s nice eating your own food”

Yes. If you are Jamie Oliver. Or at least have decent cooking skills. I will burn anything.

“It’s healthy” 

Well, this does not apply everywhere. On the one hand, the fact that something is home-cooked does not automatically mean that it is healthy. Yes, sure, we do know what ingredients we are putting in our food but this does not make it automatically healthy.

Sorry but as long there is a student loan in my bank account, I’m not going to cook. For everyone else’s safety mostly.