A definitive list of everyone in Cardiff you should by no means shag

Is there anyone even left to shag?

University is essentially three years of being given the opportunity to fuck around as much as you like (both metaphorically and literally). However, this does mean that we have the tendency to make some controversial decisions surrounding who we choose to fuck, which make the next couple of years significantly awkward. Luckily, we have compiled a list of the top guys to try and avoid to help reduce the likelihood of having to live like Mathew McConaughey in the ghosts of shitty hook up’s past.

Anyone on a themed social

For starters, why is a guy who took the sheet off their bed and whacked a bit of fake tan on without a mit to try and fit in at a toga social appealing??Secondly, you not know where those lips have been at socials. The fact that they chundered less than half an hour ago will be the least of your worries when you hear about their initiation.

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Anyone you only ever see feasting on chips and curry at 3am

I'll admit it would be a good story to tell the Grandkids but let's be realistic, if they're in Family Fish Bar/T&A tonight, they're going to be in there every time you go and get drunk food. Many awkward returns.

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Cardiff Met/USW guys

You'll never live it down.

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Rugby Lads

Remember that every time you shag someone, you shag everyone they've ever shagged and God knows where rugby lads have been. Medic rugby guys are included because as sexy as doctors can be , do you really want to be reminded they're a medic at climax?

In fact, literally anyone in chinos

Come on, you’re better than these fuckboys. We all know they’re going to be nowhere near as good in bed as they think they are so why are we still giving them the time of day?

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Your library bae from ASSL

If you’ve seen them in the library enough times to have chirpsed your way in to bed then he is clearly in there too much to have any kind of experience. And if it’s a quick and easy hookup you’re looking for then you do not need to be taking time out to help the guy locate your clit. Also, who wants to next bump in to their one night stand when they’re having a breakdown over their 8 deadlines due next week, which they haven’t started?

Guys who live in Taly/Uni Halls

This is purely based on logistics. It won't be a walk of shame, it'll be a humiliating trek in the rain (it will be raining the next morning, we live in Wales). Also, if you're not a fresher then you'll have just shagged a first year and everyone who spots you on the walk back home will know that.

Anyone who is clearly on a night out with the boys from the accountancy firm, trying to buy students rounds of drinks

As much as the experience of an older man can lead to some fairly incredible sex, if they're in Live Lounge on a Friday and preying on students then you really need to start questionning why the fuck you've just let them buy you a drink. And also find your friends and get out of there.

Club Reps

They’re annoying at the best of times, but club reps will be a one night stand you won’t ever forget. And that’s not because the sex was especially mind blowing. It’ll be because if they're repping for Tiger/Glam then they are going to be fairly desperate to find anyone and everyone who would go. You do not need the guy you had shitty drunk sex with to consistently text asking if you want to be on the guest list that night. No shag is worth the agg.

Anyone who writes for The Tab

Getting a notification to say you’ve been tagged in a pic the morning after a big night out is bad enough, but getting tagged in a comment to say whoever you fucked last week has written about it in an article on The Tab is just pure humiliation. Plus, we all know people who write for The Tab are irritating as shit.

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We're a good bunch

But hey, at least whoever you fuck will be a distant memory of the past when you graduate.

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