Dear boys in the Lash, trust me, you are not God’s gift to women

Take your beige chinos and your beige personalities somewhere else

Wednesday night Lash is the best night of the week. Fact. However, there's one massive downside to a night at Yolo and that is the sea of horny and sweaty boys who prowl the dance floor of Y Plas looking for their next unsuspecting victim. What is it with these boys thinking they can have anyone they want?

When a group of testosterone-fuelled males, buzzing from the four VKs they've just strawpedoed, are all in one small space together, it is unbearable.

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Who told these guys that beige chinos would pull girls? Whoever they are, they have massively misled you. In fact, if girls see a group of chino-clad lads making a beeline for them in the Lash they will slut drop in the opposite direction.

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Wednesdays are for the boys.

There will be that group of guys that you can tell spent more time getting ready than the girls did. But, you have to appreciate the time it took them to blow-dry, straighten and style their hair, only for the sweaty smog of the Lash to make it go floppy again. Honestly, we don't want to get with someone who is more high maintenance than us.

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Yes we get it, you're a lad, strawpedoing VK after VK but still managing to have four in your hands all night. If you offer to buy us a drink and return with an orange VK we will be bitterly disappointed. Yes we will drink it, but do not think for a second you are getting anything in return.

Your exceedingly skinny jeans showing us your twiggy legs will only make us dislike you even more – mainly for being skinnier than us. Trust me, the only thing you're gonna pull in those is a muscle when you have to take them off on your own.

Ladies, if you see any of these lads while busting a move in Lash, run a fucking mile!

(YOLO Photos courtesy of Jessy Zee Photography and Katka Photography)