What your choice of halls at Cardiff Uni says about you

Responding to the question 'what halls are you in?' will tell a person a whole lot more than what time you have to get out of bed for a 9am. It boxes everyone into a personality type, which will be unshakeable for the next 3 years.

But hey, rather be boxed in to a Cardiff Uni stereotype than go to Met.

Taly South

Not even the silver fish at Taly South can detract from the fact that living here is the dream. Court and Gate may act like they have it better but really we all know that literally everything is superior at South – the best pres, houses and social life. Living here also pretty much guarantees you'll be living with the next David Guetta, who's using the best pres in Cardiff to test out their new material.

Taly North

Ah Taly North, the council estate of Taly. There is no greater illustration of the north/south divide than in the talybont halls. Taly north is almost entirely made up of northerners (and yes, the midlands are included in that, because we all know they don't actually exist). If not northern, then life is like spending every day as that gran who accidentally drove 300 miles north and you're forced to spend your time listening to an uneasy mix of Tenacious D and Wonderwall at 4am.

Try not to get too close

Taly Court

Moving out of Mummy and Daddy's (insert wealthy London borough here) townhouse is a big step – not only having to cook for yourself but also do the washing up ?! At least picking halls purely based on which was the most expensive will create distance from the people who don't know the difference between a blini and a pancake, even if there isn't an AGA.

Taly Gate

Although Taly Gate is the most modern build of halls at Cardiff, much like the nouveau rich no one the 'wealth' of living here doesn't actually create envy amongst the other, better halls. We all know the double beds don't actually making up for the fact that every day you have to listen to your neighbours in Taly South, who are clearly having far more lit pres.

Senghennydd Court/Halls

We've inserted a link to google translate, because the majority of you at the ghetto probably can’t read English properly since the population is 95% Welsh. No wonder it’s referred to as Senghetto – not only segregated by location but also by the fact that you can’t speak the same language as anyone else. Actually quite convenient English isn't anyone's first language, so at least the residents can atually pronounce 'senghennydd'. And if not welsh, then you’re clearly in the wrong place and spend your days desperately trying to find friends outside of the ghetto.

Student houses

After getting over the initial heartbreak of not getting in to halls, the realisation will hit that living in the student houses is actually the place to be – the ability to have an unlimited number of house parties, it's WAY closer to the uni and there's no security to search the packages of NOS that are delivered to your door. But really no one is fucking buying that, yes you're still surrounded by other students but we all know you’re actually just jealous that you missed out on the halls experience.

University Halls

A tight-knit community at University Halls, where everybody knows everybody, which is necessary since it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. You try not a huge embarrassment every time you shuffle late in to lectures, mumbling something about buses. And no, no one is actually buying it that it’s ‘not that bad’ because of the view of Roath lake and excitement of that one time you could use the rowing boats because it finally stopped raining in Cardiff.

Liberty Cambrian Point/Fields

Living in Liberty pretty much guarantees you're either an international student, got in through clearing or you were unfortunately randomly allocated it. Irrespective, for fear of missing out on halls entirely, you accepted the extortionate price and forced your parents to pay. As much as the double beds and lovely kitchens are fab, nothing will make up for the ball ache that is having to walk all the way to the main gate everytime anyone tries to visit (including 3am booty calls).

Aberdare Halls

As Cardiff’s only all-female halls the expectation would be for life to be like the English equivalent of Elle Wood’s sorority. In reality, we all know there are two reasons for living in these halls. Either your parents wouldn’t let you go to uni unless your access to normal people was extremely limited for fear of the potential for a crack addiction and pregnancy (it’s a fair assumption to make about the dangers of Cardiff tbf). Or you just really are above the nightlife Cardiff has to offer and instead would prefer to spend your evenings playing boggle.

Cartwright Court

Living here is like a very confusing halfway house between halls and Cathays. Some 2nd and 3rd years, who unfortunately did not find friends in first year and are now trapped in a vicious cycle of halls will likely live in your flat. They may not have the stamina of freshers but at least they can give patronising reminders that they too were once clearing bright blue vomit off their bedroom floor after having one too many at the lash.

Colum/Gordon/Hodge Halls

Sorry who? Is generally the reaction to telling people about your irrelevant halls. And no, the fact that it's closer to uni than Taly doesn’t improve the fact you live in halls more unheard of than a straight edge at the lash.

So pres at Taly South then?