Every type of person you will inevitably meet on a night out in the SU

Wait, so you’re saying I’m NOT Beyonce?

The endless toilet queues, the heckles coming from 'rugby corner' and 300 multicoloured VK tongues. Like it or not, the Students' Union will be where you end up on most nights out.

These are the people you will inevitably be sharing your Wednesday and Saturday nights with.

The Free Spirit

This person is just out for a good time. They do not care that they're bumping into you. They don't care they're making you spill your drink, they don't even care that their spilling their own drink. They will probably have cleared a little space on the dance floor because people are trying to avoid their elbows. This person just wants to MOVE.

The Minimalist

They stand looking mildly bored, sipping their VK through a straw rather than doing the respectable thing and strawpedoing it. Bobbing slightly in time to the beat, they might just be wasted, but it's more likely that just hate the SU and have been unwillinging dragged out into the pit of sports teams because it's someone’s birthday and they couldn't say no.

The Basic Bitch

Basically anyone who screams "OH MY GODDDDDDD YYEEESSS" when Flo Rida's 'Low' comes on. They will work their quads to death attempting to thrust themselves down onto the floor in time to the beat and will inevitably become a pile of bad decisions on the floor, because lo and behold, this isn't Step Up. Never to be swayed, the basic bitch still thinks they look the dogs bollocks, and will without a doubt do it again when 'Yeah!' by Usher comes on.

The one who thinks they're Beyonce

They know all the words to all the songs and make you feel a bit guilty that you don't know how to rap. You try your best to join in but after all, no one can compete with Queen Bey. Usually panting heavily because they are so into the music that they not only need to sing every word but aggressively demonstrate they know every word with vigorous dance moves.

The Pack

We all know the pack, we all hate the pack, we have all probably participated in a pack at some point. The pack dances in a circle clutching their bags. Anyone trying to enter the circle uninvited will be met with a barrage of dirty looks until they sheepishly retreat.

What we wearing out tonight lads? Chinos and a nice top?

What we wearing out tonight lads? Chinos and a nice top?

The Snapchatter

My god, just stop. When you're in a club the last thing you want is someone shoving the unflattering front flash camera in your face screeching "YYAAAYYYYYYYY WOOOO!!!!!!! I'M SO FUN!!!" when you're just trying to get your groove on. They film themselves, doing shots which is stupid. Please stop. Your night is clearly not that good if you are Snapchatting throughout the whole thing, so fuck off and let the rest of us have fun without leaving a sweaty legacy on your camera roll.


The BNOC is their own worst enemy. They constantly have people coming over to say hello and probably have multiple people they need show their face to throughout the night. They probably get bought loads of free drinks though. It's a tough life eh.

So, Juice on Saturday yeah?