All the things Cardiff University has taught me over three years

Aside from how to procrastinate, of course


Despite its reputation as Britain’s wettest city, Cardiff is a lush place to be. Spending three years in the Welsh capital has left us with not only a wealth of knowledge on our chosen degree subjects, but also an irrevocable love for VK’s, the memorable experiences of living in a whole other country, and multiple broken umbrellas. Things that those from other universities, however high up in the Russell Group they may be, will struggle to understand.

Here is everything you’ll learn at Cardiff University.

Taly South will always be better than Taly North

It plays host to the best flat pre-drinks, is closer to lectures, and the rooms are just nicer.

Always take change for a trip on the bus

“A single from the City Centre to North Road please” you naively say before the bus driver plucks from your hand a £5 note for a £2.30 bus fare. Wales’ exact fare policy = no change given.

Seagulls are fucking annoying

It’s always lovely to see your leftover Dominos regurgitated and pulled out of the bin bags in front of your house on a Wednesday morning.

They haunted you in Taly, and they will continue haunting you in Cathays

Only the bravest of souls venture across the ASSL/Hoffi Coffi crossing first

“Are they trying to dance with the devil that is the ever-changing traffic lights?” gasp the horrified onlookers

VK are love, VK are life

Say otherwise, and you’ll become a social outcast

After all, we are the number one retailer in the UK

Nights at the SU will always end in some kind of ritualistic, sacrificial cult rugby chant

DA NA, DAAAA NA NA NA, DA NA NAA NAAA NAAAAAAAA NA, NA NA.

Always get rid of bin bags before Taly cleaners arrive

Or face their wrath by paying an extortionate fee.

The only time you visit the uni gym is to spy on the All Blacks training

Attempting to catch just a glimpse of the testosterone-fuelled man mountains.

Dedicated supporters, obviously

Essay hand-ins are always celebrated by a pint at the Woody

Alongside a game of pool and a side of spicy chicken wings.

The irony of taking a photo of this sign

I don’t know, okay!

Lidl bakery is life

The elusive baker is God.

The castle changes with each major event, accordingly

Previous years have seen a rugby ball crashing into its walls, a giant peach, and now? A blue dragon adorned with the Champions League trophy.

What could possibly come next?

…Yet you will never actually visit the castle

It won’t stop you from pretending you’ll make a visit, however. “Ooh, applying for a Castle Key gives me free admission for three whole years??” – Let’s not kid ourselves

The three-course meal at your subject’s ball will never live up to expectations

Sounds like an M&S advert, looks like an Aldi meal deal.

Family Fish Bar is second to none

Generous portions, friendly staff and a wall of incriminating drunken photos? It wasn’t crowned the Best Takeaway in Cardiff for nothing.

Spooky, but loved

How to correctly pronounce Clwb Ifor Bach

Your taxi driver makes a smug smile to himself at your idiotic attempt to correctly pronounce this destination. Oh, you innocent little fool, he inwardly thinks. On your way home the same mistake is made trying to pronounce Cathays, Crwys, Gelligaer, Malefant… Any help? No? Okay.

Never leave your Taly ensuite door open

Chaos will ensue. Steam will escape, the fire alarm is placed directly outside…you get the gist.

You’ll complain about the SU’s toilet queues, then spend ages gossiping and taking photos in the cubicle

*slurred tone* “it’s just such good lighting in here”

The best gig in town is Ninjah on the bins

He should just be re-named as Cardiff’s very own mascot.

Umbrellas are a necessity, not a luxury

With 115cm of rain a year, it’s guaranteed that your new trainers will get ruined by excessively deep puddles.

Just gunna take a quick dip

Bingo Lingo is incredibly fun

DIRTY THIRTY you yell whilst dancing on top of your allocated bench, watching twerk offs and booing at false calls.

Cardiff Bay has the nicest Wetherspoons you’ll ever visit

Is it even a Wetherspoons?

The ASSL is a hell-hole

It’s inevitable that you’ll watch the sunrise whilst pulling an all nighter in this dreaded place.

Pray for me

The only Welsh you’ll hear is for “next customer please” in Primark

And to translate place names at Cardiff Central, which is just the most confusing thing ever.

You will probably end up in the SU dressed as a carrot

Never mind trying to frantically scrub off the last of that orange paint for your 9am lecture the next day.

No ragrets

Do not underestimate the SU queue on Halloween

Carnage.

helP

Eduroam is the bane of life

You begin to wonder how much more time could be spent revising (even though you’d probably procrastinate anyway – but that’s not the point), whilst staring at the flickering Wi-Fi symbol and mentally willing it to connect.

Revs’ flavoured vodka shots are irresistible

Ice cream, candy, chilli, watermelon, peach, bubblegum, the list goes on.

Roath and Bute Park are the most photogenic places on earth

These bad boys will guarantee you Instagram likes.

But is it a clock or a lighthouse?

Varsity is the highlight of the uni’s calendar

It’s a given that some daredevil will swim in the River Taff naked.

It’s also the best excuse for day drinking

Miskin Street holds the best house parties

Bin bags stuck to the ceiling, flashing red disco lightbulbs, free merch and a DJ set – you’ve made it if you live at this address.

Hangover breakfasts are spent at Café 37

All day, every day.

Instagram erupts with photos of cherry blossom trees during springtime

Feels a lil bit like spring, finally ?

A post shared by Izzy Elias (@isabellerelias) on May 4, 2016 at 11:13am PDT

We really bloody hate Swansea

YOUR DAD WORKS FOR MY DAD, LA LA LA, HEY!

If you’re English living with Welsh flatmates, excuse yourself for the Six Nations weekend

Unless you’d like to lose a friend, that is.

Photos of the Severn Bridge are a rite of passage

Snapchat at the ready ten minutes in advance.

Th £6.70 toll awaiting you at the end is less appealing however

The same goes for this legendary neon sign

Until it was changed to ‘What the Funk’ and people lost their shit.

The original GI Joe

YOLO will always be the lash

Just like how Juice will always be Flux.