Star Wars day is the worst day of the year because Star Wars is crap

It’s full of emotionally unstable masked men and questionable story lines

Ever since I was born, Star Wars became a part of my life as I happened to be born on May the fourth (be with you). But the problem is, I don’t even like the films. To be honest, they’re a bit crap, they’re not appealing in the slightest.

My birthday will forever be taken over by memes about Darth Vader and Yoda and on top of it, all everyone says to me is “may the force be with you”, instead of happy birthday, which is just great.

I’ve tried to watch the original saga – it’s on every year today, on my birthday, without fail. But I can’t handle it. When you have the modern day special effects, it’s hard to try and watch movies made in the 70s, a decade that still included the Berlin Wall and France having the guillotine as capital punishment. Surely these films are dated now?

I’ve seen the two new films and Emo Kylo Ren was one of the funniest characters seen in film. Don’t get your way? Slash your really expensive space ship up? Daddy issues? Kill him. What an absolute riot. The effects were good and having one of the main characters in one of the highest grossing films of all time being from Peckham is nuts. But Rogue One? I walked out and thought “what was the name of anyone in that film?” Surely a film of this level of gravitas should be memorable? Are the rest of the films this varied? Probably not.

When it comes to being nerdy I consider myself one of the pros: Captain America pyjamas, Hulk work out tops and posters decked all around my room. I’ve done the twenty-four-hour marathons watching film after film listened to the podcasts that debate who would win if Batman fought Drax and unironically said bow ties are cool. But I’m sorry, sci-fi just isn’t my thing.

If you’re into sci-fi bs, Star Trek is better than Star Wars. Chris Pine is great, and Benedict Cucumberflute played a character who even shared my name. Transformers is even better, but I just can’t bring myself to watching the now nine-movie saga.

I’ve been asked and asked to watch Star Wars, but in all honesty, I just don’t have the time or effort to watch nine films worth of light sabers, emotionally unstable masked men, and questionable relationship story lines. Sorry, if this offends you but you know I’m not the only one. May the fourth be with you and what not.