Every type of boy you’ll meet at the lash

A Wednesday night means one thing, The Lash is calling.  You neck a few vodkas and rush to the SU before 11 to nab that free entry, where every single fuckboy imaginable is inside waiting for you.

The sporty fuckboy

The biggest stereotype is the rugby fuckboy.  They’re always at the SU in their stereotypical chinos and blue shirts, always with their red and black striped ties, awaiting you in the far right corner of the bar, thinking they practically own the place. When in reality, they were banned from the SU just last term.

The Hockey Player

The posh fuckboy. This one’s an interesting one. They can afford to buy you a drink other than a VK, so you think you’re onto true gent territory. But actually, his Daddy is a rich boy who rides horses and shoots pheasants in his spare time.  He’s probably from Surrey and most likely went to boarding school. Best to steer clear.

The Fresher

Run. He’s got spots, he’s clutching 2 VK’s in each hand (the blue ones because he’s boring) and he’s wearing his new Adidas track jacket that he bought just for uni because he wanted to be indie. He isn’t indie. He is either drinking VK’s because he’s a fresher who doesn’t want to be hungover for his 9am on Thursday morning, or he’s drinking VK’s because he spent all his loan in the first week. Either way, do yourself a favour and just get out of there. Quick.

The Freshers Squad

The Fancy Dress Wanker

He’s tried really hard.  Last week he was a crab for the Under The Sea Social and this week he’s got a cowboy hat for “Disney Characters” (he’s being Woody). His fancy dress effort makes up for his shit chat. You’re more likely to leave with the cowboy hat than leave with him.

Woody and his pals

The Football Boy

He’ll love Zac Efron and if you ever Netflix and Chill, Zac Efron will star in the film.  He’s spent longer on his hair than you have for your night out and probably uses more fake tan in a week than you do in a month. His t-shirt is a small just so you can see his muscles so be sure to compliment them or you won’t be getting on him. He will also have perfected resting bitch face.

He spent longer getting ready then I did

Choose wisely out there, there’s an entire sea of mistakes to choose from.