How to survive your first year at Cardiff Uni
Think of us as your very own Bear Grylls
One time, not so long ago a place existed, a place where the only people you had to see went home everyday, where food would be in the fridge and a dirty shower was rarely, if ever seen. Life was easier. Then one day, you become a Cardiff University student.
We as students must help another. After all, for the most of us, we’re pretty broke, hungry and temperamentally hormonal. We learn the real worth of a five-pound note, as we down our vodka and Tesco basic squash to get to the SU at latest, 10:40. We have to learn to get over our phoning anxieties, as we register for a GP. It’s a tough transition. So we’re here to help you find the shortcuts, surviving can be done.
There is a reason the queues are long. So when you’re just scraping by on freezer food and have a mere tenner for the next week, go to Lidl. At Tesco, you could probably get 2 dinners and a treat, Lidl however, you can buy probably 7 dinners and look cultured as you buy an ‘alternate’ European brand.
If you fancy a pull Wednesday night at the SU is your best bet. Regret, a hangover that won’t leave and an awkward conversation to come the morning after. But that’s way in the future, luckily you’ll be in a place where the fundamental rule is, ‘you have to be smashed’. At least this way you’ll actually use that pack of condoms your mum packed. Some handy advice – walk around with 4+VK’s dressed in a toga. Trust me on this.
It’s no lie that for the most of us who struggle to cook and are near starvation, Deliveroo probably profits 40% of our already thin student loan. Those saviours in black and light blue are like angelic kangaroos on those groggy Thursday mornings. Vouchers codes are a must and if you’re lucky your new best mate will have one waiting for you as you sip your Lucozade and stumble around with a blanket around your head. Just use this one with caution, otherwise you may be on Tesco basics quicker than you think
9ams are grim, enough said. No one wants to wake up before the sun rises, and when you’ve been out three nights in a row it’s a monumental effort. Luckily, dry shampoo, or ‘shower in a can’ is a neat invention which makes your sleepy tramp hair look clean. It costs 99p and can be used to get out of bed later after avoiding a probably, well needed, shower.
(This is only okay for 9 a.m’s, 10 a.m’s at a push – no one like sitting next to a smelly)
Shave with coconut oil.
Coconut oil: You love it or you haven’t used it. Now I’m not one to shave my legs, but I’ve been told it takes longer to grow back plus you get to tell everyone you’ve found another use for coconut oil.
Nevermind meeting deadlines and getting on top of that seminar reading you’ve missed twice already, battling flatmates can be a stressful experience for some.
Use this one with caution I may add. So it’s recommended small notes if you are going to, as the method of communication to remedy your issues. Of course, wallpapering your entire kitchen can be excessive but needs must. The art is the passive tone to these notes. We recommend to more professional note creators the use of ‘xoxo’ to truly illustrate your passiveness.
First year is a terrifying obstacle course of growing up faster than you want to. For the first time being old enough to swear in front of your parents, the first time you realise wine and vodka is a terrible mistake and that white VK’s taste like the smell of an attic. The day when you will be asking for a rice cooker for your birthday will soon come, make the most of the VK’s and 40% pass rate, and Taly heating whilst you still can.