Cardiff’s Maddest Fresher: Introducing Jess Williams

Courtney the dildo goes everywhere with her

The competition is hotting up for the crown of Cardiff’s Maddest Fresher. With stories to make you cry with laughter, wince in pain, and reminisce over those glorious first year days, this is a competition like no other.

Without further ado, let us introduce you to nominee Jess Williams. This wild Maths fresher brings her Neath reputation with her, causing absolute havoc wherever she goes in Cardiff.


Ever since being threatened with eviction from her own accommodation for flashing to ground floor flats, Jess has a reputation for being a bit of a handful. Adding to this, she has also been escorted out of and banned from Treforest campus.

For this wild fresher, though, tt’s not only the halls accommodation that can’t handle her. It appears that clubs can’t either. She’s been banned from Ladybird, kicked out of Soda, chucked out of Tiger Tiger, and then to top it all off sung ‘Club Can’t Handle Me’ to the bouncer after being chucked out. Someone sign this girl up to the X Factor.

Jess has taken her vocal talents to the Alcohol Treatment Centre, too, singing the ‘wheels on the bus’ all the way on the drunk bus. For this fresher, singing goes hand in hand with trouble.

We have all woken up with unknown injuries on a night out, but Jess takes it to the next level, waking up with this monster of a unknown bruise on her bum.  It’s unknown the exact way it happened but it’s rumoured to have been sustained from falling out of bed after a night out.

Security have their hands full trying to control her, going so far as to remove her ‘free blowjob’ sign from her window. It’s safe to say that House 24 in  Taly will never be the same again. The poor security guards have also removed Trevor the Trolley and Colin the Traffic Cone from her room. She certainty has a talent for naming objects, which brings us to Courtney.

Many of us have a lucky charm, and Jess is no different.  She has a dildo that goes everywhere with her. It goes by the name of Courtney and is considered the ninth member of the flat. I imagine flat outings must be quite different to most.

We all love Snapchat, allowing us to drunkenly record our drunken antics and stupid ideas and broadcast them to the world. After nights out it has become normal behaviour for her to send her friends snap chats of herself fully clothed in a cold shower. Circuit certainly won’t be getting any of her hard-earned VK money.

Jess had a long list of drunken antics and after a few drinks nothing is impossible. She has been known not only to climb on top of a phone box, but also get stuck.

It seems like there is no slowing down for Jess. If you think she should be crowned Cardiff’s Maddest Fresher then get voting!