Tinder bios: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Whether you use Tinder seriously or not, it’s guaranteed to generate a good laugh. Forget the pictures, the bio is where it’s at. Swiping in Cardiff, I’ve complied a list of the best and the worst Tinder bios I’ve come across so far. Just don’t be offended if you’re featured.

The Good

How could we say no to this? A good bio is nice and simple whilst getting precisely to the point…and this is exactly what this guy does. Plus, who doesn’t like puppies, wine and good times? Fingers crossed he has a puppy and a vineyard.

I can really imagine getting on with this guy. He’s the male version of me. We’re both greedy and share a mutual love for nectar of the Gods. If he got rid of that “nearly,” he’d be a 10/10 just for eating skills. For now he can have a 9.5.

Us girls hate to admit it, but these are pretty much perfect qualities. Nice accent, perfect height, goes to a great uni and throws a ball around. He’d just better not be a typical lad…here’s hoping.

Perfection. Especially the last part.

The Bad

Just eurgh. We appreciate honesty, but there’s no need to be quite so upfront on your sexual prowess. This instantly conjures up mental images of a fuckboy who thinks he’s totally it and texts about twenty different girls. I swiped left and I’m not sorry.

And I like a man who doesn’t try and park his bike in my backside or rest a pint on it. Well done for objectifying girls, it’s a no from me sorry hun unless you want to get your Strongbow chucked at your face.

Maybe you’re hoping that the humble approach will work for you? It’s a fair thing to say as we’re all a work in progress but please don’t put this on your Tinder bio. It’s very off-putting as you’re basically admitting that you’re a massive dick who needs a reality check.

Who said romance was dead? Notice “fam” in there to indicate to us that he’s a techno lover, gym goer, Nandos freak, Ibiza fan “lad.”

This one is so bad it’s funny.

The Ugly 

Honesty is good, but not when you’re a vile piece of shit. I clearly hope this is a joke as the guy’s own integrity is brought into question here; if you’re going to cheat, don’t advertise yourself on Tinder.

Oh bore off with your not so subtle slut-shaming talk. Doubt anyone would be interested in you, you misogynistic drag.

Aw sorry Connor, has it dented your ego not having girls reply to your lacklustre “hey?” I’ll ignore you as much as I like and “talk” as many selfies as I please. Go back to spelling bee.

*Swiping left to fuckboys*

If this is true, then I hope the poor thing bit your hand off so you can never write another Tinder bio again.