Some New Year’s resolutions that are more exciting and doable than ‘get fit’

After the smoke clears from the New Year’s fireworks, people ask you “what’s your resolution this year?” As friendly as that is, I do find it a pain in the arse, mainly because you presume I’m not already perfect. Why do I need a resolution if there is nothing to solve? Yet, like most of us, I must make one.

Janet will probably give up chocolate, which will fail since she got a giant slab from Hotel Chocolat in her stocking. Larry will go to the gym once and decide it’s not for him. Yet, this year I ask all of you to refrain from the normal and boring and make a fun New Year’s resolution. It doesn’t have to be amazing, just not the same old dire drab that no one accomplishes each year. Lucky for you, I have a few suggestions…

Hula Hoops

Now, this can come in two forms, I won’t hold you to whichever one you choose. Either eat a packet of Hula Hoops a certain number of times a week or buy a hula hoop and swing that thing round and round. To me both are equally fun, although one may be more enriching than the other. Apparently, the world record is 74 hours and 54 minutes of continuous hooping which I reckon is a doddle for those who are trying.

Juggling

This one came from my mum, however, last week she challenged my cousin to juggle five balls by next Christmas (although I misheard five as fire which would have been way better). However, this one is going to be a useful party trick. It may not come up at interview or even at your wedding, but one day being able to juggle more than three balls will come in handy, mark my words.

Practice makes perfect Photo credit: Y Plas

Learn a dance move

This needs to be taken with caution, as in no way am I saying learn a whole dance as that could be quite useful somewhere down the line. Just a singular dance move. The worm being my prime example. Spin on your head, cha cha slide, anything that can be used on that SU dance floor. Smooth and sophisticated folks, smooth and sophisticated.

Celebrity impression

We all have a favourite celebrity. I made a quiz the other day entirely about Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. I mean his voice in Moana is just so soothing. I digress, learning a celebrity impression will be a great party trick. Suddenly coming out the girl from Surrey is Barack Obama. Props to anyone who can nail Danny Dyer to the tee.

Get on local radio or TV

Getting on local TV I can only imagine would be the sign you’ve nailed a night out on the town. Yet, maybe don’t do this for the wrong reasons. I mean if hula hooping for 75 hours doesn’t get you in the paper, then I don’t know what will. The group chat will explode with you all over Facebook and Twitter, but just make sure it’s not for sticking crème eggs up your bum on some initiation.

Write your own Wikipedia page

No one is more important than you, and the world needs to know about it. Why does Shakespeare get one, when your Twitter is literally the bomb? Your crush needs to be able to stalk you professionally, so why not get your own page dedicated to your own brilliance?

These are only a few suggestions, and by no means are you limited to the few I have suggested. But next time Janet asks you how you’re going to change in 2017, just say “mate, I’m gonna be the talk of the town, watch me” and walk away juggling with a hula hoop feeder and your Wikipedia page left up on the screen.