‘If Trump wins I will…’: What Twitter promised this morning

It happened. Here’s some light relief.

People doubted Trump so much they promised to do some rather outlandish things. A tweet is by no means a binding contract, but you hope these people will be sticking to their word.

Someone’s gonna have a bad back

If Trump wins I'll carry a fridge the length of Ireland nude if Hillary wins I'll carry her nude the length of Ireland in said fridge!

— James mcguinness (@Jimzer111) October 27, 2016

But at least it won’t be permanent

If Trump wins the election I'll get a Trump tramp stamp.

— Jacob Perkins (@Perk_Perkins) October 24, 2016

These could be the new dream catcher tattoo

If Trump wins this election I'll tattoo "bigly" on my butt

— Jacey Schank (@jaceyschank) October 20, 2016

if trump wins the election I'll get a wall tattooed on me #BuildTheWall

— MakeAmericaNateAgain (@NateAnnick) October 10, 2016

Some new diet crazes are threatening to take over

If trump wins I'll shave my beard and eat it. I'll stream it live too

— Yams Casino (@DarynDupree124) October 13, 2016

Hedge fund bro Martin Shkreli teased music fans everywhere

If Trump wins, my entire unreleased music collection, including unheard Nirvana, Beatles, and of course, Wu-Tang, comes out, for free.

— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) October 27, 2016

And he’s a man of his word, talking us through his treasure trove, which apparently includes unreleased Kanye. Half one-man talk show, half musical braggadocio, this Periscope feed is a watershed moment in live streaming:

LIVE on #Periscope: Wu Tang https://t.co/dTE37vagWf

— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) November 9, 2016

Jokes aside, there’s nothing like good old-fashioned existential dread to put it all into perspective

tbh if trump wins, i'll be happy. we will all die soon, no more suffering yea boy

— aniMAE XDDDD (@jackmorridad) October 20, 2016

Yea boy.