‘If Trump wins I will…’: What Twitter promised this morning

‘I’ll eat a sock and tape it’

It happened. Here’s some light relief.

People doubted Trump so much they promised to do some rather outlandish things. A tweet is by no means a binding contract, but you hope these people will be sticking to their word.

Someone’s gonna have a bad back

But at least it won’t be permanent

These could be the new dream catcher tattoo

Some new diet crazes are threatening to take over

Hedge fund bro Martin Shkreli teased music fans everywhere

And he’s a man of his word, talking us through his treasure trove, which apparently includes unreleased Kanye. Half one-man talk show, half musical braggadocio, this Periscope feed is a watershed moment in live streaming:

Jokes aside, there’s nothing like good old-fashioned existential dread to put it all into perspective

Yea boy.