Everything that happens on a Saturday night in the SU
You all talk about the possibility of going somewhere else, but deep down you know it’s not going to happen
You will half-heartedly discuss all the other options, from Pryzm to Undertone, but all know where you’re actually going to end up.
It’s cheap, it’s literally over the road, and, well, everyone else is going.
It will be sold out on the SU website before you can get tickets
You’ll leave it until the last minute to get tickets and message every Juice rep you know on Facebook.
“Hey hun, my housemate told me you’re selling Juice tickets?”
You will spend half your night queuing for VKs
If you are lucky enough to reach the bar, then congratulations.
If you actually manage to order a drink without spilling it or someone spilling theirs on you, then you have truly achieved the impossible.
And I wouldn’t start celebrating yet, because all your friends will ask you to get their drinks for them while you’re getting served, assuring you they will pay you that £2.50 back “first thing tomorrow!” but you know it’s money you’ll never see again.
If you’re a girl you will spend the other half your night waiting for the loo
The queue is just so unbelievably long. You will try and skip it but most likely get shouted at by someone in front of you who is more drunk and more desperate than you are.
And when you finally get there, your friends insist on all going in together and it takes even longer because those tiny cubicles are just not meant for four people.
You will get pushed
It’s just always so damn busy. Despite knowing you will be pushed and shoved and crushed by the angry mob, with a deep breath you take the risk and try and manouevre yourself as far into the sweaty mass as you possibly can.
They will play the exact same playlist as they did last Saturday
In the exact same order, from Stormzy down to Two Door Cinema Club.
You will bump into someone from your course
You will run over and talk about how you totally need to sit together more and meet up and study together. You make sure you get the photographer to take a photo of you with your new BFF.
You’ll never talk to them again, and will feel slightly more awkward than before when you next see them in lectures.
You will lose all your friends
You will try and find them in the smoking area countless times, and you’ll stand on those spiral stairs to look down and try and spot them on the dance floor, before inevitably accepting you have lost absolutely everyone you came with.
You will drunk text your one night stand from three weeks ago
“Hey are u in the SU”
Your friends are nowhere in sight and you kind of want to pull but are having zero luck, and now that you’re on you’re all on your own, no one has to know.
You will lose something.
Your money, your ID, your dignity.
You will wake up and regret everything
And go again next weekend without fail.