Every reason Cardiff thrashes Swansea

According to The Sunday Times’ Good University Guide, Swansea is ranked above Cardiff and is the best university in Wales.

Apart from the fact a fire-breathing dragon would toast the swan in a fight, here’s a whole list of why Cardiff trashes Swansea.

That’s right, I made a list and I might even laminate it too.

Because

For starters there’s the nightlife. Swansea has one street. ONE. Which is full of the same old, grimy clubs and pubs you find everywhere else.

But we’ve got originality. You can get down at Buffalo for Bump ‘n Grind. We have awesome live music at the Full Moon and Clwb Ifor Bach.

Let’s not forget Live Lounge. Not to mention the SU’s spanking new night Juice. And we’ve still got all the classics – Revs, Pryzm, Soda – just ours are so much fricking better. Plus you get toast in Metros. Unbeatable.

Also, in case you forget, we’re the home of Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Sherlock. Sorry, but I believe that was Benedict Cumberbatch running around our Student’s Union.

Hell, our union is one of the best in the country. And we’ve got Wild Cherry VKs and everything. Seriously Swansea just doesn’t even compare mate. Cardiff has not one, but two burrito bars. You know, for the morning after all the VKs.

Out of good sportsmanship let’s not mention Varsity. Apart from the fact that we thrash them every year. Even when they’re playing at home. Absolutely laughable.

We look fit as hell in red – they look like a dodgy bogey. What a poor effort, for a poor poor state of a city. You know exactly what I mean if you’ve ever been there.

Bet our students are fitter too

Admit it, you know Cardiff’s next Varsity is going to blow the top off the city.

Aside from all this, 90 per cent of our students are satisfied with their experience at Cardiff and 95 per cent were in employment within six months of leaving. Sounds like happiness and a job to me.

In these fields we are the Russell Group’s highest ranked. If we had a mic, we’d have just dropped it.