How to have an orgasm anywhere on your body

A new method of mental masturbation


Having an orgasm purely through the power of your mind is a new and different way to reach climax.

Thinking-off is a method of masturbation for people who cannot normally orgasm – typically due to spinal injuries or disabilities – in order to maintain a healthy sex life.

But it’s not just for people who may not be able to use their genitals  – apparently everybody has the potential to successfully think-off.

Thinking-off is the latest and greatest form of self-love.

It requires no touching of your personal and private areas. Instead you utilise a focused mind to create other areas of arousal on your body.

Areas that you would least expect to turn you on – could your elbow give you the best orgasm of my life?

Unfortunately, the progressive way to toot your horn won’t create the same sensations as a normal orgasm.

The results are said to be as, if not more, powerful than usual, a bit like an out-of-body experience.


Mind over matter

To successfully think-off or thought masturbate, you have to follow a few preparation steps. Firstly, get yourself in a comfy position and relax. Secondly, free yourself of guilt and start to fantasise about whoever or whatever you like.

While this is happening, pinpoint areas of the body that arouse you that aren’t your sexual organs – you can do this by giving your neck or ears a cheeky stroke, or wherever gives you the shivers. Then finally, combine that area that’s arousing you with your sexual thoughts and, hey presto, you should be onto a winner.


Creating a new erotic zone

With only a few simple steps blocking my way to reaching a hands free out-of-body orgasmic explosion, I put the thinking-off method to the test.

Step 1: Get comfy

If there was one location where I thought this would work, it was my bed. So in the covers with the blind down, I got nice and cosy in my love nest. As thinking-off only requires the mind and full relaxation, I did so wearing my jim-jams. Real sexy.


The thinking-off arena

Step 2: Fantasise

Without trying to compare the religious faith with masturbation too much – Buddhists take years, and some times a life time, to clear their minds during meditation and focus on one thing. I had only a couple of hours to fully devote myself to thinking-off before my real world boyfriend would be back from real world work and want to have real world sex.

Trying to complete this tricky mindfulness task and reach a hands-free orgasm was going to be one of my biggest challenges to date.

Which is fairly indicative of how easy my life has been up to this point.


Food for thought

After lying down and getting over the all consuming feeling of twattishness as I prepared to try and orgasm using only my mind, I took some deep breaths and got some sexy people on my mind.

Channing Tatum in Magic Mike, Ryan Gosling looking all grizzly in The Notebook, you know the vibes, and the dream world of sexual fantasy began.

Unfortunately the sexual rollercoaster would abruptly stop every 30 seconds or so for different reasons. At one point I had to stop the whole process and get the washing in because it started to rain.

I had to start again slightly wetter than before. Another time Louis Theroux kept turning up, because I do like a clever man, telling me detailed facts about meth heads and mega jails. I nearly fell asleep dreaming that we went on a wonderful investigative journalism adventure together leaving my steamy sex with Channing Tatum behind.


Guilty pleasure

I felt a bit guilty that I was thinking about Louis so much, it’s not an every day fantasy to get down to it with a bespectacled nerd. But according to thinking-off by-laws, you have to remove your feelings of guilt.

So at one point I thought to hell with it, if it’s Louis I want it’s Louis I’m going to get.

But with Louis Theroux come thoughts of white supremacists and other equally unpleasant people, which was slowing down my quest for an out-of-body orgasm, so I had to take some more deep breaths and start again.

Step 3: Pinpoint new zones and transfer sexual thoughts to these zones.

I finally reached a point where I felt I was getting somewhere through the power of the mind. As the warmth and yearning to feed the pony beckoned down below, I tried to transfer these feelings to a new erotic zone on my body.


Red raw from all the finger bashing


The E-spot

Trying to orgasm with just your elbow was hard, far too difficult in fact.

Instead I opted for a more stereotypical erotic location, one that most people deem sexual, and gave my neck a little rub down. But I’m thinking so hard of transferring my sexiness to just below where my head sits I’m loosing Ryan Gosling and Louis Theroux.

I’m left stroking my neck viciously, hoping to gain some kind of sexual sensation there, eventually leaving me pissed off and a little sweaty from all the rapid rubbing.


This was meant to be fun

Determined to gain some kind of sensation in a new area of my body I tried out a few  more exploratory areas hoping that after all this body probing and touching I would unveil some new G spot. Neither the ankle, elbow or back of the knee are one of these areas.


Stick ’em in

I was eventually exhausted with red patches everywhere, looking as if I was coming out in some kind of heat rash, ruining the whole mindfulness sexy orgasm vibe, leading me to give up on the whole thing.

Thinking-off requires someone who can really disconnect from the outside world and who can remain in that thought process of fantasy with 100 per cent concentration, not someone who does that for two minutes then gets distracted thinking about what’s for dinner or the weather.


The sensual ankle

Rachel Morris, resident sexpert for Cosmopolitan, said: “Thinking-off is possible and many women regularly have orgasms in their dreams – look no hands.

“However, the depth of focus necessary makes thinking-off an unnecessarily hard-work way of getting off.”

If you’re a mindfulness guru and not satisfied with your foo-foo then thinking-off may be for you. But for everyone that just wants to get the job done, stick to what you know.