What would you tell your fresher self?

‘It’s all downhill from here’


September is just around the corner, along with many anxiously awaiting freshers.

Mistakes, accidents, calamitous fuck ups. All of the above could, maybe, have been avoided with the retrospective guidance of some wise old, and otherwise reticent, souls.

Ben, third year, Chemistry

“Don’t confide your pin number in a girl you’ve just chatted up, and then ask her to take care of your card while you go for a whizz.” “Also take pictures during freshers week, otherwise you won’t remember it.”

Alice Copeland, second year, French

“Don’t drunkenly use your laptop as a pillow. I woke up with a hangover and ‘acer’ printed in reverse on my cheek.”

Dan Templeton, third year, Journalism

“I would tell myself to wear a condom. Also, if it tastes like urine then it probably is.”

Dominic, Graduate, Chemistry and Physics

“It’s all downhill from here.”

Julia Dalrymple, second year, English lit and Journalism

“Whatever you do, don’t get conned into going to Tiger Tiger. It’s for pussies, not tigers.”

Em Quinn, third year, ELC

“Halls security will never want to be your friend no matter how many shots of Sainsbury’s basic vodka you offer them. Even if you try giving them a ride in your trolley.”

Ollie Pepperell, second year, Biology

“If you join a male sports team then you’re going spend an incredibly awkward five minutes in Primark’s underwear section figuring out your thong size is.”

Luke Mansfield and Ayla O’Keeffe, second year, Biomedical Science

Luke: “Absinthe bombs are not a good shout.”

Ayla: “Don’t drunkenly hide Frazzles in your flatmates rooms, they’ll find them three months later, with extra mould.”

Jody Day, second year, BEd Primary Education

“Use paper plates. Save yourself washing up and nagging flatmates.”

Oliver Furby, second year, Chemistry

“Your sports initiation will probably involve the chunder mile and getting dragged through town dressed as a convict. Be ready.”

Anna and Kiera, third year, Chemistry

Anna: “Give up trying to get drunk after 2am. You will learn to regret picking tequila and sambucca over taking a tasty portion of chips to your warm single bed.”

Kiera: “Actually follow the golden rule of not getting with your flatmate. You’re going to end up living together next year.”