You are a summer stereotype

And you don’t even know it yet

| UPDATED national

You’ve plucked up the courage to check your bank statement at the end of summer and miraculously discover that you may just about have enough to visit another country other than Wales this summer.

You’re going to meet some real “characters” along the way and also have to deal with douchebags more pompous than the elected officers in the Union.

‘Dude take it quick, before it spits on me’

‘Lads on Tour’

Some choose this as an opportunity to be a bit more daring then their last ‘lads holiday’ in Magga and pick places like Thailand or Brazil.

All in all, it’s the same inevitably planned opportunity to get absolutely wasted on foreign land for the entirety of the summer with no intention of being able to recount back to anything cultural or geographical.

Instead, embrace the golden opportunity to recount long winded and utterly pointless stories to unsuspecting friends / enemies explaining the likes of how one night you and the guys managed to have a gang bang with a transgender prostitute without even realising until the next morning.

Travellers of these sorts tend to embrace nudity head on, so if you do manage to make it to a cultural hotspot/landmark, be prepared to strip off and put on your best ‘wanker’ pose.

What better way to rack up some lad points by setting your new profile picture, to one of you standing completely naked next to the Christ Redeemer with a bottle wine in one hand and a joint in the other.

‘The one month Shaolin monk’ aka the ‘spiritual’ twat.

These people usually tend to venture onto the more de-westernised zones like Honduras, Mongolia or Papa New Guinea, the more obscure the name the better.

However, don’t mistake these people for the open/happy go lucky adventurer types.

These people have the tendency to get fucking furious at the possibility that you may of gone to the same unheard of town in Western Bolivia.

The awkward moment when you get conned buying liquidized LCD and it actually turns out to be Opium

Don’t worry though, they’ll console themselves and further condescend you, by claiming that their time at the same naturist farm in the same village was was far more fulfilling and really gave them a chance to bond with the locals.

As mentioned before, even if you have experienced the same mystical and Pulitzer-worthy winning story-like experience, such as camping out on Yeh-Yeh Ming’s rice field in Yangshuo China, you’ll ruin the orgasmic pleasure for the person telling the story.

You will have accumulated a load of ecologically sustainable, and shit, souvenirs to take back home with you, that will enable you to further discuss your experiences linked to any particular purchase, like the wheelchair-bound nun in Romania who knitted the 15 cardigans you plan to give out to your nearest and dearest.

Patronising ‘it’s all about the children’ Claire 

Closely associated with the spiritual type, however these people are a bit more serious in terms of what they hope to achieve.

Most endeavorers would like you to think they’re doing it to ‘give back to the less fortunate’ but really, it’s just an opportunity to go on about how ‘rewarding’ they found the whole experience to future employers and people they’re trying to bang.

Careful with what you say to these Mother Theresa wannabes, they have the tendency to take themselves a bit too seriously and relish the opportunity to prove you wrong about something.

Clair retreats to bed at 7pm with a well deserved bottle of 5% ready made Caiperinga

But if you’re up for discussing things like the social policy in Uruguay while knocking back home made white wine spritzer’s or just plain apple juice, then this is for you.

On the plus side you’ll have accumulated the ability to spirit out pretentious facts about places most people have never heard of.

Dora The Amateur Explorer

The scared shitless 18-year-old who’s too nervous to leave the continent but still wants to venture off solo into the big bad world (aka Europe).

His mum doesn’t trust him enough to get on a plane on his own and instead buys him an inter-railing pass.

Because to be honest, his summer job at Waitrose didn’t quite crack the cost of his big adventure into the wild.

Documents neatly packed by his mum into a plastic folder and enough condoms to supply the whole of the red light district in Amsterdam, he eventually embraces the cultural opportunity head on, even getting the opportunity to fondle a Swedish girls boobs on top of a mountain.

A memory he will treasure for the rest of his life.

Taking in the view

‘Crazy’ Gary The adrenaline fuelled divorce

The middle-aged divorcee whose just left a job in finance to travel the world and do some mad shit.

Everyone but Gaz can tell that he’s having a full-blown middle-aged crisis. Instead though, he’ll compare himself to the likes of the usual adrenalin fueled junkies seeking some excitement.

Unfortunately attempting the likes of parkour on the rooftop of an abandoned rooftop in Moscow is probably as far as he’ll get in terms achieving the thrill that he’s so been longing for.

You can spot people like Gary from a mile a way, regardless of when they arrive, they’ll usually be the sitting by the bar resembling the likes of a boiled prawn and sweating compulsively through a linen shirt.

He’ll be up and raring to go by 8am and in bed by 9pm sharp.

Don’t be too dismissive of these types though, in most cases they mean well and, more to the point, probably have a shit load of money carefully kept away in there Velcro wallets.

Although they’re probably tight as fuck, they will definitely buy you a few drinks if you flatter them by giving them a chance to talk about the good old days when they had no responsibilities.