Which annoying ASSL stereotype are you?

I bet you’re talking in silent area right now, aren’t you?

We are in the depths of exam season, and as a result a lot of us are spending more time than we would like in the library.

One positive to your all too regular study trips, is that regular procrastination provides you with an ideal opportunity to observe the human condition, in all its glory. Here are our findings.

The absent reviser

Leave your shit in a seat and bugger off.

Its exam time, but it’s perfectly acceptable to set up all your crap in a designated seat and piss off for at least an hour.

Enjoy a break from all your hard work and escape the confines of the ASSL. By all means grab some lunch, smoke a joint, go home and have nap.

Don’t worry about other strangers hunting for somewhere to study, they should have been more on the ball and arrived at 9am just like you did.

Seats are like gold dust, so mark your territory and don’t relinquish it under any circumstances.

Invisible wanker

The colourer

Your annotations in books are so fab.

There is nothing more satisfying than getting a book out, sitting down to take notes and discovering that low and behold, someone has kindly highlighted all the important bits for you.

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they have even been so generous as to write in the margins their own wise words and profound thoughts.

Cheers fellow student, whether you’re past or present, neon pink never goes out of style.

Your comments are shit

The hungry Harry

Bringing in your smelly food and get munching.

You’ve been slaving away and have got a serious flow going but your hunger is impeding your work. You want lunch but you don’t want to take a break for too long?

Quick, nip to Subway, come straight back, proceed to nosily unwrap your baguette of dreams and munch away loudly while pointlessly staring at your essay.

Never fear, no one else is hungry so the smell isn’t driving anyone to the point of tears. And don’t worry about the multiple layers of packaging that your delicious sub is wrapped in, they’re not distracting at all, in fact they actually help others to concentrate.

And you’re a pussy if you don’t get a footlong

The Infected

Where does everyone want to be when they’re ill? The library of course!

Everyone loves listening to the sound of your hacking cough, it really makes Kant much more bearable.

And when you blow your nose, my god, the glorious cacophony of sound is unbeatable, not to mention hugely motivating for all around you.

So keep going you trooper, nothing can stop you.

You snooze, you lose

The scribbler

The number one procrastinator who writes on desks, walls, cubicles, pretty much any hard surface.

It’s so great that when my essay gets dull or my revision get tortuous, I can look up and see your inspiring messages.

They really are ground breaking gems of advice, insights beyond Descartes, definitely desk worthy.


 The gossip

Chatting to your mates certainly makes revision tolerable.

You’re hard at work but a friend you haven’t seen for, like, almost 3 days walks past and you just have to gossip about Monday’s night out.

By all means, natter away in the silent area, we all really want to know that Charlotte slept with Alex after being sick in his lap.

It’s great hearing other people’s gossip because in the height of revision season it reminds us of a life outside of exams, so please, tell us more!

blah blah blah

If you are one of these guys, I salute you, but you’re a twat.