What will you do when you grow up?

After your meltdown, of course

The final countdown has well and truly begun. We’re nearly half way through the second semester, with many third years still as clueless as when they started their degrees as to what they are going to do with their lives once the honeymoon that is University comes to a close. Let us help you sort your life out.

Get a job

Welcome to the real world. The finish line. Your life is basically over. You have to start paying bills and act like an adult, which is why this is the least appealing option to graduates. At Uni, you fell for the illusion that whilst consuming your body-weight in cheap alcoholic beverages you were still going to improve your job prospects. That’s why you chose to study English Literature. Good luck with finding that job.

Who actually wants to work!?


To some companies, this is known as slave labour. You’re the boss’ bitch and on tea duty for the whole office. The worst part is you might not even be paid! But do not tarnish all internships with the same brush, for there is hope. These can provide a valuable leg-up into your industry of choice, improve your employability and you might, just might, be offered a job.

Welcome to life as a tea bitch

Gap year

Didn’t take that “Gap Yah” you dreamed of after you finished your A-levels? Well what better time to run away from your problems than when you’re unemployed, friendless and have no clue as to what you want to do with your life? You can finally go and do that skiing season that daddy promised to pay for, or even go travelling round Asia in a bid to find inner peace and become one with yourself. I’d probably say skip Zante or Magaluf though, you’re a bit too old for gonorrhoea and fishbowls now.

Going hiking in Peru, yah?


Just one more year can’t hurt, can it? I mean, you’re already in crippling debt that you won’t pay off until you’re about 50. What’s a few more grand going to do to your crippling overdraft deficit? And look at the positives, you get to be a uniLAD for another year, drinking shots of tequila and instigating Yaya/Kolo Toure chants in the students union. This is the stuff of dreams. Growing up can wait another year.

I’m back baby

On the dole

Whether you like it or not, this is probably where you’ll end up. At least your diet will be the same as the glory days of being an undergraduate, living off beans on toast and cheap noodles. And there is light at the end of the tunnel as well, as you could even end up on “Benefits Britain.” At least you have that degree to keep you warm at night, because we all know you won’t have the money for central heating.

£9k for what!?