How to pull a Languages student

“Voulez-vous COUCHER avec moi?” doesn’t work


So, you’re young, free, single, looking for a cultured, independent other half who will whisper sweet nothings in your ear. You want a Languages student.

If you’ve used “voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” in the past year, read on. Frankly it’s just not cutting the French mustard any more.

If you’ve pulled one do not pull another

We’re a close knit bunch us language lot, and word spreads like wildfire.

Be especially aware of fourth years. We’re all girls, we all know each other, we all talk and we all like to know each other’s business.

Unless you want to be the talk of the translation class, save yourself a lot of grief and just don’t do it.

DANGER DANGER

DANGER DANGER

Be foreign

We need those beautiful European looks and foreign minds for our 2:1. If you do our translations for us, there is a higher chance we will let you touch us. It’s just how it works.

This is an Italian man I saw on the metro and wanted in my pants. I would have let him do my translation any time.

This is a foreign man I saw on the metro and fell in love with. I would have let him do my translation any time.

Be a keen traveller but not too keen

It’s no secret, we love to travel. The compulsory year abroad was why we took a language or two as our degree.

We will want to go places with you. We will want to take you everywhere and show you everything.

However deign to top our year abroad stories with your own ditty of trekking across Mongolia and rescuing baby penguins or what not and you will be cut.

Nothing beats the year abroad. Even if it was just Europe.

Classic year abroad photo

Classic year abroad photo

Be Male and/or a Lesbian

Lesbi-honest, 90% of us are female. That’s nine females to every male. Half of these are likely to already have significant others.

And so, when a girl has either fought off the other seventeen females for that one languages lad and/or exhausted the small pool of boys in her languages clan, she won’t know where to turn. Enter YOU.

If you’re born with a penis and you’re straight, you’re basically already winning.

If you’re born with a vagina and you love the ladies, game on.

If you’re born with a vagina and you’re searching for a male… good luck.

Languages students. Note the lack of male.

Languages students. Note the lack of male.

Try to speak a language

If you can, try to speak to us in a foreign language, it’ll be cute when you get it wrong and it’ll massage our ego when we sweetly correct you. Massaged ego = possible massaged body parts.

If all fails...

If all fails…

But don’t be better than us. You will undermine our entire university existence basically. Not a turn on.