A singleton’s bitter alternative to a sickly sweet tradition
It is universally known that if you are single you automatically despise Valentine’s Day and everything it stands for. No one really knows why this is, but it may be something to do with the fact that it’s a commercial holiday created by capitalist Americans with nothing better to do but make singletons feel like crap whilst those in relationships swan about eating nice food and getting presents. Why should some people get an extra day of presents and others not? Is that fair? Is it? Is it? I think not.
Thus, I hence and so-forth declare that this 14th February shall be Unvalentine’s Day, and you my fellow singletons may join me in this fabulous day of doing everything (and everyone) people in relationships cannot do. Because whilst lovers flock to restaurants, bars and dining rooms, thus making these places out of the question, we can do whatever the hell we like everywhere else. Here are my top seven Unvalentine’s Day suggestions.
1. Get your single pals round, make them bring wine, and play a good old fashioned game of spin the bottle (once you’ve drunk one…or three). Can couples play spin the bottle without a care in the world? No they can not.
2. Have a ‘Me’ Day – why share the day with a significant other? Have it all for yourself: buy yourself a nice gift from the bank of student finance; have a beautiful slap up meal in a box for one from Sainsbury’s down the road and a beautiful evening in bed revelling in the fact you aren’t sacrificing space or duvet for someone else.
3. Rally the troops and go to the cinema to see a particularly violent action movie and boo whenever there is any hint of feelings being expressed. Preferably one with Leonardo DiCaprio, Ryan Gosling or Gerard Butler in it.
4. Hit the town. At least you wont get with someone’s boyfriend by accident right?
5. Hop on the £2 train to Cardiff Bay with your best buds and go on a very unromantic motorboat ride followed by a night in Glee club.
6. Ask the couple you are closest to if you can be a threesome for the night, therefore ruining the notion of valentines. “*Sob* I’m so alone *sob* take me to dinner *sob*” is tried and practiced and works a charm.
7. If all fails, there’s always the warm embrace of the library.