Slorpe’s Top 5: Workout Tunes

So it’s a new year and new you then, right? We’ve all gorged on mince pies, made the leftover turkey last for 5 days of sandwiches, eaten the bag of chocolate coins from your stocking (don’t tell me that’s just me?) and then boozed it up for New Year’s Eve. But now it’s mid-January, the time to right all of those delicious wrongs.

Gentlemen, this is when you’re finally going to make the most of your gym membership, get in there at 6am and start clangin’ and bangin’ as if you were The Rock. By February you’ll be grating cheese on those abs. That’s cheese for other people though, you’re on chicken and rice for the foreseeable future…

Or perhaps you’re a female and none of that makes the slightest bit of sense. In which case, you’re probably looking to fit into that pair of jeans or tone up your bum and all that jazz.

Whatever your motivation and whatever your style, I’m here to help with my top 5 workout tunes.

For The Big Boys: Boom – Nelly

My first track is perfect for the big boys in the gym. Mix up a shake, put on your headphones and stick another 5 kilos on the bar, I’ve got the song for hitting highs on your 3 rep max.

I’m all gym-talked out after that but you know what I mean, this one is for whenever you’re getting ready for a big session on the bench press and you need to feel like a tank. The big 808 drum line is sure to get your adrenaline pumping whenever the chorus hits, so time that with your sets and you’re good to go.

Or, you can walk into the gym whilst listening to this and feel like a BOSS before you even start working out. I have it on good authority from our sports editor that that’s what The All Blacks do.

Nelly probably listens to his own songs while he works out and he’s in somewhat acceptable shape I suppose. No homo.

For The Runners: Gonna Fly Now – Bill Conti

Being a runner is a solitary kind of gig and it’s not for everyone, which makes the right arsenal of workout tunes an absolute must. Here I’m giving you something for that painful last stage of your run when it’s starting to feel like you might not make it. Stick this on, and I guarantee you’ll have the burst needed to finish it off.

If you don’t instantly recognise the title of this one, relax, you’re more likely to know it as the theme tune to the training montage from Rocky. As far as credentials go, it doesn’t get much better than that, dear readers. If it’s good enough for an Oscar nomination, then it’s good enough for you on your way around Bute Park.

This once came on my headphones as I ran down Queen Street at 5 o’clock on a Thursday. That alone is a brave route to be running, but to hear this and put on the burners amongst pedestrian traffic is a whole new level of weird that I won’t visit again anytime soon. In my head though, I was Rocky, running along with the people of Philadelphia, and that felt pretty damn good.

See, that was me, and look how much faster I am than those blurry people. And I have an awesome red headband.

For The Bed Heads: G.R.I.N.D. – Asher Roth

You bed heads have a special place in my heart so I’m dedicating this one to you. Hell, I’m dedicating this one to me essentially because I’m a mattress dweller too. It’s hard to tear yourself away from the comfort and warmth of your bed at the best of times, but to get up so you can brave Cathays’ notoriously bleak weather is close to impossible for us. Fear not though, get your G.R.I.N.D. on and you’ll make it through.

G.R.I.N.D. was released in 2010 as the first single from Asher Roth’s yet to arrive 2^nd album and it stands for Get Ready, It’s A New Day. It’s a sweet thought right? Aside from that, it’s an uplifting beat that won’t shock you out of bed and it’s got a feel good message too.

Plus it’s Asher Roth. He’s a white, partially ginger rapper and that gives me hope of one day being something similar.

For The Cardio Girls: Spectrum (Calvin Harris Remix) – Florence + The Machine

Now I’m going to throw out a broad and sweeping generalisation of female gym-goers here, but because I said it’s a generalisation first, it’s perfectly ok. Those are the rules, trust me.

Girls in the gym like the cardio machines and probably don’t have the same taste in workout tunes as guys. No biggy, I’ve still got you covered.

This one’s for when you’re just climbing onto the cross trainer at the start of your workout. You’re looking to start out slow, build up the pace, then have a few moments where you go all out. Calvin Harris delivers that with his remix, and again, in another sweeping generalisation, I’ll go ahead and assume that girls find Florence Welch’s voice a little bit friendlier than having Nelly and his cronies shouting “BOOM!”

You’ll never catch me using the cross trainer myself though, the movement feels too un-natural. It’s like running, except you have to do extra stuff with your arms that makes me feel like Optimus Prime. Plus, I don’t have a gym membership so that won’t help either. Still, I’m very qualified to be writing this article. From my armchair. Whilst eating pizza.

For Anyone (The Failsafe): Turn The Page – The Streets

By now, some of you may have failed to fall into one of the aforementioned categories. Fear not though, I’ve got one last song which is for absolutely everyone who turns to music for motivation.

This is my personal secret weapon, capable of getting me in the right frame of mind to do just about anything. I put it on in preparation for rugby games, I put it on as the first song when I go for a run, I even put it on before writing this. It helps that I think Mike Skinner is a genius, but this really is a perfect motivation song for anyone.

It’s a lesson in how to let a song build, so by the time the full string section kicks in Mike is mid-way through delivering a blistering verse, one which still makes the hairs on my neck stand up after 11 years. Unlike a lot of workout tunes this isn’t about the beat (although the beat is still spot on) it’s the about the lyrics, so listen closely and take them all in.

There you have it folks, go forth and be motivated. Or stay on your laptop and read The Tab, both ways work for me.