What NOT to buy your GF this Christmas

Useless boyfriends… Listen up!


Christmas is approaching… The festive lights are up along the high street, mince pies are on the shelves, your mum’s been asking when you’re coming home and if you’re loved up – it only means only one thing: you must prove your love through the medium of the Christmas present.

Apart from a very select group of boys who have been coached by their mother’s in the art of shopping, it is common for men to be the most useless at buying gifts, especially when they’re for girls. The pressure really is on to get the right present to prove your love and to really make her feel special. So, The Tab has compiled a must read list of what not to buy the lady in your life… Be creative gentlemen, but avoid the following:

 

Anything to do with cooking, cleaning or domestic chores

Unless your girlfriend is obsessed with Delia Smith and has specifically asked for her new recipe book or, if she’s addicted to JML items such as the Ped Egg (it gets the dead skin off her feet) – always steer clear. If she is a domestic goddess however, congratulations my man, you might want to consider an engagement ring because she sounds like ideal marriage material.

Shit versions of expensive stuff

ie. if you see a  charm bracelet, and its a tenner – don’t try and pass it off as an expensive Pandora. If your girl’s got class you’ll never get away with it, but if she’s a skanky bitch, you might just get away with it. Caution is necessary here though as you’ll probably get an equally shitty present back. You made your bed son, you’ve now got to lie in it.

Something you want for yourself

Don’t get her the latest Fifa, don’t buy her a box set of a television series she’s never even heard of just because you like it, and ‘want her to get into it so you can watch it together’. Plus, don’t buy tickets to a band she’s never heard of – it will give you away and you’ll break up before the new year. (Unless this is what you want to happen and you’re too much of a pussy to break up with her before hand, don’t buy her something you actually want for yourself.)

Gifts that imply you want her to change

Girls are sensitive, they will read shit into your present, so this is an important one. If you think buying her vouchers for a makeover is a good idea, it’s not. Or, a piece of exercise equipment – also not advised. Even if she is tubby, suggest a walk before meal times, do not pay for a six month gym membership. You love her for who she is, remember?

Clothes

Unless you are a very confident, very on trend kinda guy, the purchase of clothes for a christmas gift is not the one: if you buy the size too small, she’ll be offended, and it’ll be a useless gift – if you buy the size too big, she’ll think you think she’s fat… Which will end in tears and maybe even a slap (definitely no sex) – it’s a lose lose situation. Only ever purchase clothes if she has given you specific instructions to buy a particular item in a particular size, keep well away from the depths of Topshop and Urban Outfitters… It’s hopeless.

Plus remember…

Gift cards look like you couldn’t really give a shit and here’s the biggest tip: drop some hints, and see if she drops any too. Then, you might just be the best boyfriend ever this christmas…

Good luck.