Dirty pints and big knickers

So the beginning of term is looming and for all those sport loving students joining a new club there is only one thing to worry about. Initiation. Now we’ve all heard the horror stories. The eggs, the flour, the crawling in your underwear, the unidentifiable and horrible tasting cocktails by the funnel-full, pitcher-full and generally plentiful. Urban myths are abound and everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows someone’s second cousin who drank someone else’s vomit thinking it was porridge on initiation night. And however the clubs dress them up, as ‘fresher welcome parties’ or ‘get-to-know-each-other drinks’ there is one thing you can be certain of: a headache in the morning.

Now I’m not saying initiations aren’t fun, I had mine two years ago and had a great time (what I can remember), but there are a few things I wish I had known that might have made it a little less painful, or at least less embarrassing.

HOW TO SURVIVE

#1: Wear large underpants

This applies more to the girls than the boys as the boys hopefully are already planning to wear something of a boxer description which is never too revealing. Girls however, you don’t know what the older kids are going to make you ‘don’ so make sure your knickers are appropriate. I ended up in a newspaper dress which didn’t survive the union; Bridget Jones style granny-pants are without doubt the best option.

#2: Make friends with the ‘big dogs’ early on

If you make friends with the organisers you are more likely to get a heads up on what is coming next and then you can make a timely trip to the toilets when things get particularly messy.

#3: Don’t get too mouthy

From my experience organising an initiation, it is the loud-mouth newbies that get noticed and therefore get ‘fined’ the most. Always do what you’re told but don’t get too lippy or you will be punished. The cock-sure boys will nearly always end up starkers and the sassy girls drinking two pints instead of one.

Freshers getting another type of ‘mouthy’

#4: Don’t reveal all your secrets under the pressure

You may think that what is said at initiation stays at initiation but that is not true. Reveal that you have a nipple piercing and you will be made to show it again and again for weeks to come. Tell a story about your first sexual experience, and if it is a good one, it will be relived all year. The older students will try and get things out of you with innocent sounding games, ‘I have never’ and ‘let’s all tell embarrassing stories’ being favourites, but careful now. You might get booed for telling the group about wetting yourself in the nativity play aged five instead but do you really want everyone to know about THAT night?

#5: Do what you’re told

The cardinal sin at initiation: not doing what you’re told aka not drinking when yelled at. The rule here is ‘go hard or go home’. You will only be initiated (by each club) once, and it is only one night, so you might as well let go and do it properly. And then, if you play the game well, perhaps next year, you can be the one doing the initiating. Sweet, sweet revenge.