Take a break from revision with our official alternative prospectus – for wizards only.
Straining town-gown relations further, police reveal how a Cantab was assaulted on his birthday, for wearing a gown ‘like Harry Potter’.
OSCAR WILLIAMS-GRUT is wowed by Girton’s fairytale Spring Ball, complete with swings, sushi and Sailor Jerry’s.
ELLIE PITHERS: “Hogwarts is just a glorified version of the Eton School of Twatcraft and Snobbery.”
Patrick Brooks
Francesca Ebel
Oscar Williams-Grut
Ellie Pithers