How to make it seem like you were born with a mother-of-pearl spoon in your mouth.
The lines are closed, the votes are counted
Yes, that’s right, I call myself a cripple. ABBI BROWN explains her controversial title.
The Athletics Team are offering £150 of champagne to the fastest 4x100m team. Who knows, maybe you can beat the Athletics Blues as well…
For £40 ANNA WILMOT had a great time amongst the swarms of Blue, at this year’s Hawks’ and Ospreys’ Charity Ball
NIKOLAS MAVREAS and PATRICK BROOKS are left quietly disappointed by the lukewarm Union Freshers’ Ball.
Magdalene delights WILL PITHERS with its magical setting, quality entertainment and endless food and drink.
From the archives: JUAN ZOBER DE FRANCISCO reminds you how to correctly douse your friends as they finish their final exam.
Tom Rasmussen claimed ‘it was like having a fucking prolapse’; TOMMY SHANE begs to differ.
With post-exam celebrations getting “out of hand”, University officials seek to curb champagne spraying.
OSCAR WILLIAMS-GRUT admits being scorned by supervisors and ignored by neighbours as a direct result of his college.
The Bubble gets too much for SOPHIE THORPE this week, so she runs away to the country for some bubbly. Much better.
ELLIE PITHERS had a whale of a time, but her booze cruise came to an end earlier than planned.
LOTTIE UNWIN: ‘There were truly meaty burgers, delicious smoked salmon crepes and if you batted your fake eye-lashes enough, divine hog roast, but doing the ball basics well wasn’t quite enough.’
Queues, the 4am lull and champagne headaches are a given, but some balls this May Week have been beset by problems other than the usual May Ball gripes.
ROBERT SMITH: ‘I’d spend an evening quaffing quick booze to wash down a Nutella crepe as Paul from S Club sings ‘Follow your heart’s desire’ instead of ‘Climb every mountain higher’ for the hundredth time any day.’
Robert Shearme
Jack Benda
Finn McRedmond
Will Pithers
Juan Zober de Francisco
Tommy Shane
Sebastian Salek
John Bardsley
Oscar Williams-Grut
Ellie Pithers
The Tab
Robert Smith