We related to dead things at the Cambridge Zoology Museum

Have you ever, in the middle of an Easter Term revision crisis, thought about how restful it would be to have your corpse stored in a vat of oil (extra-virgin organic) for hordes of school children to stare at for the next 3 million years? Or are you normal?

With this in mind, myself and Sherwood, poached from the News section, decided to immerse ourselves in this fairground of death as humanities students who know nothing about biology or, for that matter, finding lucrative jobs upon graduation. However, we were shocked to find that some of the dead creatures were actually, as they teach us to say in Tab training, #dope and relatable af, kween.

So… Uhh… Here are the most relatable creatures of the Cambridge Zoology Museum, we guess.

(Give us a break, it’s Easter term. We are trying our best).

Dead Birds as boys vs girls at May Balls

On the left we have a dead Pyrrhocorax pyrrhocorax, in some basic plain black outfit like boys wear to May Balls.

On the right we have a serve from Paradisaea apoda whose common name (‘Greater bird-of-paradise’) reminds everyone of how unique and quirky she is. But we do have to admit, this is a fetch look that could definitely ruffle some feathers (lol) at a May Ball.

SHOCKING Dead Fish that is older than Trinity

Older than Trinity, Toope, and Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s “relationship”, this dead fish (Australosomus merlei) is at least two years old.

The sign says that it’s from the Early Triassic (252-251 million years ago) which seems to have a hefty uncertainty interval of a million years, coincidentally the approximate time it takes for Sherwood to motivate himself to study.

Big Grooved Brain Coral next to Small Grooved Brain Coral as Fresher Brain vs Finalist Brain

This resplendent Diploria labyrinthiformis (which henceforth will be Ted’s drag name) looks like a giant, squishy brain, which is how you feel when you arrive as a fresher, loaded with knowledge and enthusiasm.

Peer off to the side and you’ll notice a much smaller Diploria which is a metaphor for your brain after that moment 2 weeks in when you realise you know nothing, a mood that lasts right up until you graduate.

Diploria labyrinthiformis? More like Diplomia thirdclassitis.

Nameless Dead Sea Creature as Porter

Porters really will randomly forbid you for simply entering a building when they look like this.

Funny story, this article was actually an ill-conceived backup to an attempt to rank the college libraries of Cambridge which ran afoul of a porter from a college that shall remain nameless. They only slightly resembled this creature.

Temperature Probe as Probe

Ted: What an interesting creature… Tempêræturé prøbé… it’s Latin.

Horned Beast as The Horny™

“Don’t make this joke don’t make this joke don’t make this joke.”

LOL isn’t that beast horny. Just like freshers and mathmos.

Dead Bird Diorama as Bird Shit Vaporwave

This diorama might have been intended to show off dead birds, but the purple-and-red lighting immediately reminded us of those vaporwave looping animations on Youtube. Except in the interest of accuracy, this diorama is covered in fake bird shit.

Sherwood relates to these birds because, like himself, they are wallowing through shit.

Frightening Dead Skeleton Creature as us during supos

Sherwood: Its blank eye sockets despairing, giant gnashing teeth horribly deformed, and a smaller brain than the average human. This could be any of us during a supo.

Ted: Homo Erectus lol.

Jaw as Head

Wide-open but filled with sharp teeth. Much like my ex.

Fetch Shells as Interior Design

Bauhaus. De Stijl. Mid-century modern. Very international, daring design. The beautiful shell on the top right with a triangle motif could easily be remade as a scarf or a piece of upholstery. The pattern is like one of the pieces of art in Medwards’ Second Largest Collection of Women’s Art In Europe™.

European Edible Sea Urchin as food at formals

Ted: Lilac (slayful), pretty looking, but… Edible? Only at a formal.

Sherwood (Selwyn student): Only at a Trinity formal.

Extinct Dodo as The Tab’s journalistic standards

Need we say more?

(Sherwood is in the corner crying “The Tab is a reputable news source”.)

Dead Cute Things as Dreams

So cute!!! Such a shame they’re dead.

Big Shell

Sherwood (direct quote): “Mmm…. Sumptuous.”

The Zoology Museum is located in the New Museums Site, and is open Tues-Sat 10am-4.30pm and Sun 12pm-4.30pm (last entry 4.15pm). Tickets no longer need to be pre-booked!!

Feature Image Credits: Ted Bruce

Related articles recommended by these authors:

• How to occupy your parents in Cambridge
• Is West Hub your new Cambridge study space?
• Cambridge crowned the eighth best night out in the UK