We related to dead things at the Cambridge Zoology Museum

Why do we, as a species, collect literal corpses and take our children to see them?

Have you ever, in the middle of an Easter Term revision crisis, thought about how restful it would be to have your corpse stored in a vat of oil (extra-virgin organic) for hordes of school children to stare at for the next 3 million years? Or are you normal?

With this in mind, myself and Sherwood, poached from the News section, decided to immerse ourselves in this fairground of death as humanities students who know nothing about biology or, for that matter, finding lucrative jobs upon graduation. However, we were shocked to find that some of the dead creatures were actually, as they teach us to say in Tab training, #dope and relatable af, kween.

So… Uhh… Here are the most relatable creatures of the Cambridge Zoology Museum, we guess.

(Give us a break, it’s Easter term. We are trying our best).

Dead Birds as boys vs girls at May Balls

Alternatively, this could work as a dead bird-themed version of the ‘you’re not going out like that young lady’ meme (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

On the left we have a dead Pyrrhocorax pyrrhocorax, in some basic plain black outfit like boys wear to May Balls.

On the right we have a serve from Paradisaea apoda whose common name (‘Greater bird-of-paradise’) reminds everyone of how unique and quirky she is. But we do have to admit, this is a fetch look that could definitely ruffle some feathers (lol) at a May Ball.

SHOCKING Dead Fish that is older than Trinity

Now that’s what I call an old dead fish (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

Older than Trinity, Toope, and Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s “relationship”, this dead fish (Australosomus merlei) is at least two years old.

The sign says that it’s from the Early Triassic (252-251 million years ago) which seems to have a hefty uncertainty interval of a million years, coincidentally the approximate time it takes for Sherwood to motivate himself to study.

Big Grooved Brain Coral next to Small Grooved Brain Coral as Fresher Brain vs Finalist Brain

Sad but you know it to be true (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

This resplendent Diploria labyrinthiformis (which henceforth will be Ted’s drag name) looks like a giant, squishy brain, which is how you feel when you arrive as a fresher, loaded with knowledge and enthusiasm.

Peer off to the side and you’ll notice a much smaller Diploria which is a metaphor for your brain after that moment 2 weeks in when you realise you know nothing, a mood that lasts right up until you graduate.

Diploria labyrinthiformis? More like Diplomia thirdclassitis.

Nameless Dead Sea Creature as Porter

Except the creature is, if anything, more attractive and at least we can be certain it’s sober (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

Porters really will randomly forbid you for simply entering a building when they look like this.

Funny story, this article was actually an ill-conceived backup to an attempt to rank the college libraries of Cambridge which ran afoul of a porter from a college that shall remain nameless. They only slightly resembled this creature.

Temperature Probe as Probe

A rare creature indeed; in fact, on the verge of extinction. (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

Ted: What an interesting creature… Tempêræturé prøbé… it’s Latin.

Horned Beast as The Horny™

Come to think of it, I’m not sure those horns are even real (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

“Don’t make this joke don’t make this joke don’t make this joke.”

LOL isn’t that beast horny. Just like freshers and mathmos.

Dead Bird Diorama as Bird Shit Vaporwave

Compare and contrast (Image Credits: Artapixel via Pixabay and Sherwood Cheung)

This diorama might have been intended to show off dead birds, but the purple-and-red lighting immediately reminded us of those vaporwave looping animations on Youtube. Except in the interest of accuracy, this diorama is covered in fake bird shit.

Sherwood relates to these birds because, like himself, they are wallowing through shit.

Frightening Dead Skeleton Creature as us during supos

Average Johns boy (Image Credits: Sherwood Cheung)

Sherwood: Its blank eye sockets despairing, giant gnashing teeth horribly deformed, and a smaller brain than the average human. This could be any of us during a supo.

Ted: Homo Erectus lol.

Jaw as Head

I mean… (Image Credits: Ted Bruce)

Wide-open but filled with sharp teeth. Much like my ex.

Fetch Shells as Interior Design

Putting the ‘fossil’ in… nevermind (Image Credits: Ted Bruce)

Bauhaus. De Stijl. Mid-century modern. Very international, daring design. The beautiful shell on the top right with a triangle motif could easily be remade as a scarf or a piece of upholstery. The pattern is like one of the pieces of art in Medwards’ Second Largest Collection of Women’s Art In Europe™.

European Edible Sea Urchin as food at formals

The urchinification of formals (Image Credits: Ted Bruce)

Ted: Lilac (slayful), pretty looking, but… Edible? Only at a formal.

Sherwood (Selwyn student): Only at a Trinity formal.

Extinct Dodo as The Tab’s journalistic standards

I showed u my dodo pls respond (Image Credits: Ted Bruce)

Need we say more?

(Sherwood is in the corner crying “The Tab is a reputable news source”.)

Dead Cute Things as Dreams

They all once had dreams, just like you (Image Credits: Ted Bruce)

So cute!!! Such a shame they’re dead.

Big Shell

The below observation was prompted by my (Ted’s) referring to the shell’s “lips” (Image Credits: Ted Bruce)

Sherwood (direct quote): “Mmm…. Sumptuous.”

The Zoology Museum is located in the New Museums Site, and is open Tues-Sat 10am-4.30pm and Sun 12pm-4.30pm (last entry 4.15pm). Tickets no longer need to be pre-booked!!

Feature Image Credits: Ted Bruce

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