I clicked on the HMRC scam email and what I discovered will SHOCK YOU
I decided to claim my tax refund which I was rightfully owed
In the morning of the 5th of April, a sense of euphoria and elation descended on the 19,000 students of this university.
Amidst the darkness and despair of coronavirus lockdown came a shining beacon of light- a new hope. That’s right, UK Gov Online slid into our inbox once more.
They may have totally gotten our university wrong, forgetting that they weren’t, in fact, messaging the University of Sussex. But that’s okay – when they’re offering £550.45, I don’t care that they can’t remember my name. Treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen, right?
Well, UK Gov Online certainly had me keen and gagging for that cheeky £550.45. Just think about how many VKs you could buy when Wednesday Cindies reopens. 220. I did the maths.
I decided I had genuinely nothing better to do in my life than to collect the money which was rightfully mine, and what I discovered CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.
With sweaty palms, I apprehensively clicked on the link to what I was convinced would be a perfectly legitimate government website. Yet to my horror and dismay, Google Chrome displayed the deceptive sight ahead warning.
Clearly, the Satanic forces which possessed my chrome browser didn’t want me accessing this government website. Undeterred, I would not be tempted away from my destiny. My fate was sealed. Like Bilbo Baggins during his relentless pursuit to destroy the one ring, I would claim what was rightfully mine. Or so I thought until TalkTalk informed me that the link was broken. The website couldn’t even be accessed. This was some trippy shit Gandalf on LSD wouldn’t have even come up with. In this ultimate paradox, the scammers wouldn’t even scam me. Sauron didn’t even want the fucking ring to begin with.
I decided my best bet was to send a heartfelt email to HMRC. Brimming with confidence and optimism after the seal of approval from Grammarly, I replied to UK Gov Online. Yet, in another twist, and just like all my internship applications for this summer, the email came back as a rejection. Not even the scammers would take me. In my lowest point of self-pity, I needed a bit of silence and self-reflection, so I put on “the best of James Blunt”. Yet alas, music actually played, and listening to a grown man who sounds like he’s just inhaled a party balloon sing the words “you’re beautiful” over and over again left me even more depressed.
After exhausting all options, there was only one thing left to do: go back to the very first HMRC email. It was time to finish what I started.
The 14th December 2018 was the first time Gov agent Gartrell truly transformed my life when he offered me a generous tax refund. Bewildered at why it took me a year to take him up on his offer, I prayed that the link still worked. After downloading a file which I was convinced would be either a virus or some weird kinky porn, it turns out that I was in fact owed £675.28!
My whole life had been a lie. I had just taken the red pill and the Matrix had been exposed to me. Maybe Gov Uk Online wasn’t on my side all along. Why were they hiding money from me? Why had they incorrectly calculated my fiscal activity? This is outrageous, a disgrace!
Like Neo finding Morpheus, I was determined to get in contact with Gov Agent Gartrell. I clicked on the link and was SHOCKED AT WHAT I DISCOVERED.
The properties for sale on Danang Luxury were truly stunning! That’s right, the link was to a dodgy looking Vietnamese luxury lifestyle website. On there was a sales director named Tuy Nguyen. Is he the true identity of Gov Agent Gartrell? Perhaps.
In conclusion, much like Gov UK Online, I may have just scammed you with this clickbait article. Nothing I discovered was shocking, and nothing changed my life forever.
If there’s one thing to take from this article however, it is this. Da Nang has some really nice real estate at relatively affordable prices. And if you really want the 550 pounds in tax money, well, I’d advise sliding into Tuy’s DM’s.
And please, don’t actually click on the link.
All images are the author’s own.