Get over that break-up!

Tips to get you back on your feet ASAP


The thought of having to spend your life without the person who has, until now, been the centre of your world, is both terrifying and devastating. The dumpee feels rejected and worthless and the dumper feels guilty and uncertain, and both will probably suffer from symptoms similar to grief.  This is understandable- you have lost a lover and a best friend.
But you won’t feel like this forever. There will be a time when you will get through the day without thinking about them, and when you will feel true happiness on your own. The only person who can help you reach this place, though, is you. And I’ve got some tips that might help…
1. Give yourself time to mope.
Cry. Miss lectures. Stay in bed. Watch sad movies. Eat ice cream. And don’t feel guilty about it!
You need this time to internalise the breakup before you can move on.
2. Read Normal People by Sally Rooney and everything I know about love by Dolly Alderton.
3. Retail therapy!
Buy a new pair of funky earrings or a new outfit (charity shops are especially good for this), because when you look good, you will feel confident and able to deal with anything that comes your way.
4. Change and redefine your scenery.
It will feel like everywhere you go is a reminder of your ex. Especially in tiny Cambridge – so go to new places. Sleep in a friend’s room in another college for a night, work in a new library, go somewhere far away (maybe even a trip to Girton?).
And then, when you feel ready, create new experiences in the places that you once associated with your ex. New memories, with new people. You need to redefine your surroundings so that they no longer bring with them those bitter-sweet reminders.

A reminder to love yourself! (Photo credit: Izzy Dignum)

5. Make a pros and cons list.
This might sound ridiculous but don’t knock it ’till you try it! Write down the bad things about your ex, and the good.
Read the cons when you miss them to remind yourself why it wasn’t right. Then look at the pros- it is likely that many of them are easily transferable to any relationship.
6. NO CONTACT.
You might convince yourself that it will help you if you speak to them, or meet up with them one more time for ‘closure’. But trust me. It won’t.
Relationships are like an addiction, and the easiest way to get over them is to go ‘cold turkey’.
Don’t meet with them, don’t message them, don’t ask their friends how they are doing. The more distance you have from them, the easier it will be for them to remain in the distant past and for you to get on with the exciting future that you deserve.
7. Make tick-lists for your day.
It can be difficult straight after a break up to get on with your normal life, but writing lists daily can really help.
Giving yourself credit for doing even small things, like your washing, or seeing a friend, will motivate you to return to normal life.
8. Go to the gym, eat healthily, get lots of sleep.
You will feel SO good about yourself. It will also increase your productivity during the day and make you a generally happier person.

Eat healthy (with friends!) (Image credit: Pikrepo

9. Reach out to friends <3
Rekindle old friendships and make new ones.
See the break up as an opportunity to get closer to the friends you have grown distant from when you were in the relationship, and as a chance to expand your horizons. And, importantly, talk to these friends about how you’re feeling. You will get closer to them as a result, and this will also give you the chance to hear different peoples’ views and stop you feeling like you’re always repeating yourself to the same person.
10. Keep busy.
Push yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Do fun things or start a new hobby.
Cambridge has so much to offer and there are always new things you can try, whether it’s salsa classes, bouldering at Rainbow Rocket or Kelsey Kerridge, a ceilidh, an ADC show, life drawing, pole dancing society, arts and crafts societies or anything else!
11. Write it down. (Or write an article for The Tab!)
Sometimes it is easier to write about how you’re feeling than to discuss your thoughts with people who will always have opinions on what you say.
If you find yourself thinking about your ex during the day, try to push these thoughts to one side and save them for the evening where you can journal them. But also write down something that made you happy each day. This can help you to remain positive.

Write your feelings down – or even better, write them in an article for The Tab… (Image credit: Pikrepo)

12. Be kind to yourself.
Don’t underestimate how difficult breakups can be.
At first, even getting through the day can be a big achievement. And every day that you manage to be without them is a day closer to you being over it. So give yourself credit for seemingly small things!
13. Trust that it will get better.
As cliché as it sounds, time heals all.
I know it can be hard to believe when you feel low, but you won’t be in this state forever, and one day you might even reach a point where you will wonder how you ever liked them in the first place.
Featured image credit: Pikrepo