You’re a mess and you’re not alone—a day in my life

7:30: Wake up not having had a traumatic dream or nightmare: day's starting well. Might even try and push the boat out and go to lectures. We all know Saturday lectures are optional right…

8:20: Realise my bag isn’t packed for lectures, I am still sitting in my towel on my swivel chair and the college WiFi is down again as everyone wakes up and immediately hops on Facebook or YouTube. Also some form of drink has been spilt, be it tripping up the stairs and spilling my tea or chipping my FAVOURITE glass on the tap in an early-morning-thirst rush.

8:40: Dash out my room patting my pockets to make sure my wallet and phone are there as the fact I have headphones with music coming out isn’t enough of proof of phone. Say a quick prayer that the assortment of booklets I grabbed off my desk are the ones I need.

9:00-11:00: Lectures. In maths I can hear some rather tasteful 80's and 90's pop, rock and ballads (if you don’t have Whitney Houston on your general playlist then are you that much of a mess?). I forgot to turn off my music but thankfully am in the back corner so disapproving glares are kept to a minimum. During the 2nd lecture realise that not only have I missed about 20 pages of notes from previous ‘absences’, but that the course had actually finished and getting the booklet for the new one is next to impossible ,due to the shame of getting a booklet in front of the lecturer on lecture 5 of the series just being too mortifying.

12:00-14:30: Have lunch, clean up room after the whirlwind that was my departure that morning and complete my favourite part of a day, a trip to Mainsburys where chocolate Hobnobs are just displayed nonchantly: what a fucking bargain (if you don’t know what I’m talking about then get in the bin). Another thing that's great for boosting your confidence is walking down the street with “Oh, Pretty Woman” blaring in your headphones. Was a very empowering 300m, even as a male who doesn’t identify as a woman.

It upsets me as well, but it feels very representative

15:00: Now this is peak mess, even by my standards. Explaining to someone that statistically you're actually very lucky in terms of bad things in your life while tears drip down your face. When the point is made that you're still crying so clearly are not ok with statistics justifying that you are happy, pretend you didn't realise. Style it the fuck out.

17:00: Head to the library with my college wife as we both have pressing deadlines, albeit hers are more pressing. Go into the group work room and chat quietly while 'working'.

18:30: 3 supo questions done, not the best speed but it is a "relaxed working environment" in the group work room and getting anything done is a win in my book. I then get a message from someone and after opening the message, think I’ve been ‘duped’ with a totally hilarious bit of banter (was rather malicious in my opinion). Of course my wife is very supportive of the fit of rage as a result of this and, thanks to her and the support of the other people in the room, a revenge plot was forming. I whip out my immense stalking skills and took to Facebook to hunt down this person. All thoughts of supo work were thrown out the window as the primal, feral rage took over, scribbling angrily on some paper the outlines of my plot, ranting (quietly, it's the library remember) to anyone who would listen (there were literally 2 other people in the room and they weren’t really working either, don't come at me). I was akin to a top-of-the-food-chain predator and they were the prey that I would tear limb from limb. If you ask the other people there I was acting like a stroppy toddler – but they were just in awe and fear of my conviction. It is nigh- on impossible for me to convey the full emotion of the scene in words so whatever you imagine then x100.

19:00: Reality strikes. It was at about this moment that it was pointed out that the “malicious” joke was actually my phone fucking with me. When I downloaded the item, for some reason my phone took me to the website that caused the mass hysteria in the library (just me being hysterical). So – to sum up – went from the emotional rush of pure rage and loathing of someone else, to the cold, bitter self-loathing only achievable by rather publicly going on a witch hunt to then be slapped back down to earth and realise perhaps you’re just a fuckwit causing non-existent drama. Phew, what a Saturday for a crisis.

19:30: Do that sob while showering (those 3 racking breaths) over how mortified I am while getting ready for film-night. I lead a glamourous life.

20:00: Now a tip for those of you who love dogs and also are a bit, let’s say, ‘fiery’ or ‘all over the place emotionally’. YouTube channel called “Life with Labradors” is a God-send and recently has had an influx of puppy videos. Please do check it out if you miss your pooch, it is such a wholesome channel. Watch these videos and other similar ones to feel better for about an hour (red Labrador puppies, thanking you kindly YouTube algorithm).

Chief is a mood. Please do check out the channel here

21:30: Head out of college to watch ‘Little Women’ at John’s for Pink Week. Actually learn some things I never knew about breast cancer such as that men can also get it; if nothing else then please do have a quick read of the website and spread awareness of breast cancer. The film is also absolutely brilliant, would recommend anyone to watch it and I leave the film in a better mood, albeit a bit sad (no spoilers, go watch).

00:30: Get back to college and collapse in bed only to remember I forgot to eat dinner. Now, I love food as much as the next person but sometimes that 8 minutes to cook pasta would just tip you over the edge so fuck that. 7:30 is too early a start for me and the emotional roller coaster has left me chugging along on fumes.

Cover photo credit: Pikrepo