Why a blind date won’t save you

Whether it’s for fun, hope or charity, many of us have decided to venture on a blind date this Valentine’s season, and maybe it will be a fun ride. But blind dates are a mixed bag. Here’s why they won’t save you, and what the alternative is…

Expectations

The term ‘date’ is a loaded one. Instantly, we think of all the clichés of a perfect date: dinner, candles, restaurants, flowers, wine. We worry about whether the other person will find us attractive and vice-versa. We worry about finding an excuse to leave if things don't go to plan. It's all such a performance, something of a ritual.

Most of all, we worry about what the other person expects of us. Do they want us compliment them on their looks? Do they expect a kiss, a heartfelt goodbye, sex? Do you walk them home?

We’re not sure about what will happen, but we do have a rough idea of what’s supposed to. We may feel fear that we can’t fulfil the other person’s expectations, or pressured because we don’t want to give off the wrong signals even if we are attracted to them. What if they don’t understand us when we feel uncomfortable? What if we just need more time to feel comfortable with them and they just take that as us not being interested?

Curiosity

Don’t kill curiosity by calling it a ‘date’. If I told you the ending of a movie before we went to see it – all the plot twists and interesting turns – would you still want to see it as much as you wanted to before, when you had only seen a trailer? Probably not, because I spoilt the ending for you, and much of the curiosity you previously had is now gone.

Good stories build curiosity and have you anticipate what might happen, without telling you the ending until you reach it.

@mathias_w Unsplash

A date is the same. When you go on a ‘date’, there is a chance to ruin the story by the expectation that things will go in a certain direction. It feels almost artificial, as if both people have already agreed to show their cards to one another by calling it a ‘date’.

We all want a happy ending, whatever that might b, and some part of us wants to feel like it could happen. But a date, especially a blind one, doesn’t feel like a Hollywood movie. It feels like we already know the ending before we watch it.

Spontaneity

Why not be more spontaneous? Why not fuel the curiosity, shed our expectations and not know the ending of the movie?

Instead of committing to going on a date, with all the baggage and pressure, consider being more spontaneous, chat with people you meet during your week, grab coffee, or take a walk together. Just don’t call it a ‘date’; don’t harbour expectations.

@joncas89 Unsplash

It seems an obvious choice to avoid awkward ‘blind dates’ with people you’ve never met before who could be a terrible match for you. Or, worse, you might feel pressured to end up with the first person who you find vaguely ‘attractive’, rather than the best kind of person you could be with.

This Valentine’s season, maybe the pressure and high expectations just isn’t worth it. Hang out to enjoy each other’s company, not because you feel pressured to fall in love or have sex – and then who knows where it might go?

Written by Andrew Osipov

Cover Photo
@alejandraquiroz Unsplash