Five Cambridge f*ckboys and the ways in which they will f*ck you over
Ladies beware…save yourselves the heartache
I have a confession to make. I’m writing this article at 2:45am, glass of wine in hand and my sad songs playlist on max volume. You guessed it, another guy has f*cked me over. Yes I am bitter and angry but this is also my truth, and the truth of so many girls I know at Cambridge.
Cambridge f*ckboys are unlike f*ckboys anywhere else (except maybe the other place). They’re so good at making you believe what they want you to believe and then turning the tables. So, learn from my mistakes and read on to find out how to spot these boys and avoid being f*cked over by them.
1. The charming posh boy
Born and raised with cash to splash, he’ll treat you like a million dollars to get you into bed, taking you on lavish dates and showering you with compliments. Once he’s achieved his conquest he’ll drop you quicker than you can say ‘champagne’ and move on to the next challenge.
2. The one who’s playing a numbers game
It’s a one time thing, you’re a new notch on his bedpost and he’ll never message you afterwards. He’s got with all of your friends and his name is always mentioned in the context of ‘I heard he f*cked her’. He can reliably be found at every Wednesday Cindies.
3. The one who leads you on
Late night texts, memes (who says romance is dead?) you name it this boy has done it and in the process made you believe that he’s in love with you (and most likely made you fall in love with him). Emotional blackmail at its peak because he’ll be madly into the next girl that looks his way, leaving you high and dry.
4. Lads lads lads (probably rugby)
He's only in it for a laugh and it’s all fun and games until he tells the boys about f*cking you and they crack lewd jokes at your expense at every opportunity. Ironically, he’s probably quite kinky in bed but no one talks about that.
5. The one who just hates women and treats them badly for no reason
Whether it’s chirpsing your friend right in front of you, telling their mates that you're desperate or a psycho, leaving you on read or gaslighting you by convincing you that you’re a bad person for not validating his needs, this boy will hurt you. Recognise his toxic behaviour and cut him loose because you’ll never be the one to change him.
Disclaimer: I am aware that there are nice men in Cambridge as well and people manage to have healthy and fulfilling relationships. But it’s not as much fun to write articles about them!
Are there any other types of f*ckboys you know of at Cambridge university? If so don't hesitate to email firstname.lastname@example.org to help us fill out the list.