University of Cambridge to become a French territory? Ambassador announces special post-Brexit relationship
Warning: Heavy satire imminent
Attention! Attention! Trinity College has just received the French Ambassador, Monsieur Jean-Pierre Jouyet, in order to discuss the future relationship between the University and France. His speech was peppered with talk of maintaining the Anglo-French ‘échange culturelle’, putting Cambridge at the forefront of his plans. The rest of the UK is excluded from this vision.
What with the Brexit chaos still underway in the the British Government, the powers that be have made a declaration to allow the University to legally become an overseas territory of the French Republic. This has been done in the hopes of creating a safe haven for Europhiles across Cambridgeshire and will act as a political foothole for the EU.
Some 'minor' changes are expected to reflect the new French leadership, including formalising the pronunciation of Cambridge as 'Combreedzh', erecting a new college rumoured to be called 'Nouvelle Notre Dame', and replacing the lions on the University's coat of arms with 4 assorted items of viennoiserie. It is currently unknown whether lectures will continue to be held in English and the possibility of receiving EU passports is still being discussed.
The Ambassador's visit however went from a moment for celebration to a moment of bitter irony when the following was said:
'Je parle maintenant en particulier aux jeunes parmi vous. L'avenir [de la relation entre Le Royaume-Uni et La France] depend d'une génération à laquelle je n'appartiens pas.'
TRANSLATION: 'I speak now especially to the young people among you. The future [of the relationship between the United Kingdom and France] depends on a generation that I do not belong to.'
It is interesting that such a statement was made before a group of students of which a large proportion were too young to be allowed to vote in the 2016 EU referendum. If the future does in fact depend so much on us, as Monsieur Jouyet believes, it is unfortunate that the UK government did not have the same point of view when it denied many young people a voice in their own future, regardless of which way they would have voted.
Whether the plans to incorporate Cambridge into French territory are viable is uncertain. All that can be done now is wait for the future to unfold. Vive La France! Vive Cambridge!
All images are author's own.